MYTHBUSTER
BOBBA MAASEH OR GENUINE JUDAISM
Ever been to a
SHALOM ZACHAR?
There’s a first for everything… including Shabbos
YOU’VE BEEN TO WHO-KNOWS-HOW-MANY BRISES, BUT HAVE YOU EVER
been to a ‘shalom zachar’? Many people don’t even know what
that is. A shalom zachar is an at-home celebration for dad and
his new son, hosted on the Friday night after baby is born.
Shalom zachars have no formal blessings or prayers, but the
new father, in his elated state, should bless his guests during
the course of the evening. We traditionally eat chickpeas on
that evening, but there are no other specific customs to follow.
A shalom zachar is ostensibly to show gratitude for the birth
of the new baby. Shabbos would be a practical time for such a
celebration, because people are relaxed and have time, and
would be more likely to participate. The only question is: why
is there no equivalent for baby girls?
Perhaps the chickpeas (or lentils, as is the custom in some
communities) hold the answer. Chickpeas are one of the foods
usually eaten by a mourner. The new arrival would have just
completed a nine-month crash-course in the whole Torah while
in utero. Just before birth, baby loses all that knowledge. On the
baby’s first Friday night out in the world, the community comes
to the baby’s home to console him on the loss of all that wisdom.
But, if that is the sole reason for the shalom zachar, surely girl
babies also learn all that information during pregnancy. Why not
lift the spirits of baby girls as well? (Of course, women may argue
that this is because they don’t forget all their wisdom at birth…)
Centuries ago, the shalom zachar (or sometimes the night
before the bris) was a time to reconcile differences and overcome faribels. When your son is about to undergo a delicate
procedure, you would do well to clear the air to ensure nobody
wishes you ill, G-d forbid. So, you invite everyone over, share a
few lechaims and reconnect with your social circle. Girls, who
won’t undergo a bris, don’t need this reconciliation party as
urgently as their brothers.
From a mystical perspective, the baby needs Shabbos energy
to prime him for his bris. Shabbos carries unique spiritual power, which the tiny tot needs to experience to prepare him for the
powerful spirituality of having a bris. The shalom zachar meal is
meant to draw spiritual energies and blessing for the new baby
ahead of his bris. The nature of the celebration will determine
how powerful a spiritual flow is channelled to the baby, so the
evening should be joyous, yet meaningful. Girls are considered
to be born brissed. They would have already accessed this spiritual capacity from day dot, and would not have needed the shalom zachar to bolster their spirituality.
32 JEWISH LIFE ■ ISSUE 85
And then there is another angle to consider. The Talmud
states that, 40 days before the conception of a child, Heaven
announces who that child will eventually marry. At that stage,
before conception, that male and female would share a soul.
When they later marry, their souls reunite. Seeing as a couple
would really be one soul, split and reunited, the activities that
one of them performs benefit (or harm) the other. When the
boy has his shalom zachar, his girl counterpart receives the
identical spiritual benefits by proxy.
Do girls really get short-changed, having neither a bris nor
shalom zachar to celebrate? New parents should sponsor a
bracha at shul in honour of their daughter’s birth, even if only
at a later stage. This allows the family to express gratitude,
bring people together (perhaps even reconcile with lost
friends) and access spiritual energies for the new baby, just
like at a shalom zachar. JL
Have you got a question for Rabbi Shishler? Email your ‘bobba
maaseh’ to [email protected] and it could be answered
in the next issue!
Rabbi Ari Shishler is the rabbi of Chabad
of Strathavon and learning director at
Chabad House. He is a popular local and
international speaker. Catch him
Thursday afternoon on ChaiFM, visit
Chabad.org, Facebook (Ask the Rabbi
group), www.rabbishishler.blogspot.com,
and Twitter (@Rabbishish).
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