GOT ISSUES? SERENNE CAN HELP EMAIL: [email protected]
Dear Frustrated
The idea of a gap year has become an increasingly
popular one in more recent years. It does remain a
DEAR SERENNE
controversial one, though, often polarising beliefs
of parents and their young adult offspring. Previous
’m in matric at the moment, and
generations in particular often endorsed a strong work
the pressure and stress is killing
ethic that said there was no time to waste, and that
me. My parents, especially my dad,
young people had to forge ahead in order to establish
are pushing me so hard to achieve,
themselves and become independent.
and my dad wants me to get into
Yet, there is compelling evidence to support the notion that taking a gap
engineering. But I’m so sick of
year enhances motivation and pass rate in studies after school. The enormous
studying, and want to take a gap
pressure of the matric year that you describe, and increased competition, has
year next year. This has freaked
led to a feeling of burnout and fatigue in many students, who just feel they
out my parents, as they say I won’t
need a ‘moratorium’ or some time out.
settle down again once it’s over. My
There are both risks and benefits on either side of the debate. One may run
dad also thinks I’m ungrateful and
the risk of “failing to launch” or battling to settle down after the gap year, which
irresponsible, and have opportunities
is one of the anxieties parents may have. Alternatively, it may offer a window of
opportunity to become more independent and autonomous, to grow up and
he never had, as he had to drop out
become streetwise.
of university when his father died. I
Interestingly, this idea is strongly supported by new findings about the
just want to relax a bit and break out
adolescent brain that we did not know about previously. We now know there
while I’m still young!
is an imbalance in the chemistry of the frontal lobe of the teenage brain, which
Why can’t they understand?
only really settles by the age of 24. This area of the brain is responsible for a
Frustrated
range of skills like planning and organisation, self-regulation and control, and
moderating behaviour and mood. All of these are critical for success at a varsity
THERE IS COMPELLING EVIDENCE level, or indeed any area of adult functioning. So it may be that delaying formal
TO SUPPORT THE NOTION THAT studies, in fact, has a basis in neurobiology!
In your specific
seems apparent
TAKING A GAP YEAR ENHANCES THE agenda informing situation, itinsistence on youto me that there is an underlying
your dad’s
studying immediately. Clearly, his
MOTIVATION AND PASS RATE IN own goals and aspirations were prematurely halted when his father died, forcing
him, presumably, to begin working and leaving his dreams of acquiring a degree
STUDIES AFTER SCHOOL.
forever suspended. However, superimposing his script on you is not fair, and is
creating a blind spot in terms of him figuring out what is best for you.
Adolescents are not all the same, and a one-size-fits-all rule does not work. Young people develop and mature at different
rates, and while studying right after school may be fine for some, it may not necessarily suit everyone.
You need to negotiate this carefully with your parents, making your feelings known, but also understanding some of their real
concerns. In this dialogue, you may suggest applying for your field of study (presuming you’re even interested in engineering),
and getting your place deferred, as an assurance to your parents that you aim to step up and not flip-flop indefinitely.
Also, you need to come up with some viable structured suggestions around your gap year, which make it conducive to selfgrowth and learning more about yourself and the world. Some people choose discovering more about their Jewish roots and
religion, while for others, volunteering resonates with them. Come up with
a game plan, with ways to contribute to the expenses incurred (like waitering,
• An informal parent survey recently found
perhaps), all of which will inspire confidence in your parents that your year off
that 42% of parents thought that
isn’t just a way of avoiding responsibility, but may indeed serve you well as you
a gap year was unproductive and
navigate your path to adulthood!
unhelpful for their child’s development.
Finally, I suggest you enlist the help of an experienced psychometrist who
• The pass rate for undergraduate
could assist you in finding a career that is the right fit for you, rather than the
unfulfilled expectations of your dad.
students at local universities is
GOOD LUCK!
currently 15%.
PHOTOGRAPH: BIGSTOCKPHOTO.COM; (PORTRAIT): SUPPLIED
I
Serenne Kaplan is a clinical psychologist in private practice. She has three children, two of whom are teenagers.
JEWISH LIFE ■ ISSUE 83 77