PARADIGM SHIFT
BUNGEE
She ran, but she could feel the
strength of His pull. Could she
outrun Him?
As I leaned forward to switch off the
stereo, the van crossed over the
center line just enough to startle me.
Navigating through bitter, angry tears,
I slowly meandered my way to work.
"I don't want to be fettered or
tethered or whatever that word was,"
I said, crying out to the one I was
desperately trying to avoid. "Can't you
just leave me alone?"
The song was turned off, but the
words still hung in my head, beckoning
to be addressed:
'O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let that grace now like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, Prone
to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it,
70
JASMINE'S PLACE
Seal it for Thy courts above.‘
At this point in my life, it wasn't so
much about wandering as it was a
flat-out-full-on run. I did not want to
be bound or tied to a God who
allowed so much hurt and
disappointment. I wanted to be free.
To be free to do whatever I wanted,
whenever I wanted. My mother had
served God her whole life and was
now wasting away from Alzheimer's.
I had no use for Him.
For months I had been avoiding
church and most of my Christian
friends. God and I were in a tug-of-
war and I didn't need anyone else
pulling on His side. I began to hang
out more and more with the girls at
work who sympathized with my
predicament and soothed