Jasmine's Place Issue No. 19 - September/October 2017 - Page 70

PARADIGM SHIFT BUNGEE She ran, but she could feel the strength of His pull. Could she outrun Him? As I leaned forward to switch off the stereo, the van crossed over the center line just enough to startle me. Navigating through bitter, angry tears, I slowly meandered my way to work. "I don't want to be fettered or tethered or whatever that word was," I said, crying out to the one I was desperately trying to avoid. "Can't you just leave me alone?" The song was turned off, but the words still hung in my head, beckoning to be addressed: 'O to grace how great a debtor Daily I'm constrained to be! Let that grace now like a fetter, Bind my wandering heart to Thee. Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love; Here's my heart, O take and seal it, 70 JASMINE'S PLACE Seal it for Thy courts above.‘ At this point in my life, it wasn't so much about wandering as it was a flat-out-full-on run. I did not want to be bound or tied to a God who allowed so much hurt and disappointment. I wanted to be free. To be free to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. My mother had served God her whole life and was now wasting away from Alzheimer's. I had no use for Him. For months I had been avoiding church and most of my Christian friends. God and I were in a tug-of- war and I didn't need anyone else pulling on His side. I began to hang out more and more with the girls at work who sympathized with my predicament and soothed