Jasmine's Place Issue No. 19 - September/October 2017 - Page 57

was drinking. The next morning I would hate myself. After my PM shifts as a registered nurse, I would go home and down a bottle or two of strawberry wine to “unwind and relax”. My sister visited. She had changed tremendously. I had to ask questions. I scoffed and poked fun at her, but underneath that tough exterior I was thoughtful. As soon as I put her on the plane, I found myself at the Christian bookstore, getting the book on Bible prophesy she recommended. Three weeks after reading the book, my then husband and I went for a walk in a nearby park. I was crying but instead of release, the tears felt muddy as they dribbled down my face. Life was a tangled snarl and I was even more tangled. what I expected, but nothing "weird” happened. I felt calm and peaceful, like a huge boulder in a backpack was lifted off my shoulders. “Hey, Jo, are you ok in there, you’ve been in there an hour and a half now?” questioned my husband. It was then I realized I was sitting in a bathtub filled with stone cold water. But I felt free for the first time ever in my life. There was a born again nurse’s aide at work. I spoke with her a lot. I began to read the Bible. I still had so many questions: How did I know this was really the literal Word of God? How could I believe every word? What were just “good stories” and what was real? It wasn’t just the drinking. I was also entangled in transcendental meditation and tarot cards; and even heavier so, in astrology. Later that day, as I was taking a bath and getting ready for work, I found myself talking out loud to God. IF He was there, I needed help. “I’ve made a wreck of my life. If you're there, I need you to forgive me and to have you take over...” This went on for some time. I’m not sure JASMINE'S PLACE 57 57