My first abortion happened when I
was fifteen years old. At the time I
had recently moved in with my
mother and step father after living
with my father and step mother since
my parents’ divorce when I was five
years old. My mother insisted I have
an abortion, if I chose not to, I would
have to go back to my father’s house
and tell him. I felt trapped as neither
option was something I wanted.
The second abortion happened when
I was eighteen years old. I was
married and within six months of our
wedding, I made the decision to get
pregnant. I was battling guilt and
shame over my earlier abortion and I
thought having a baby would soften
my husband and end the emotional,
physical, and verbal abuse that
plagued my marriage. I was wrong. I
was faced once again with doing
what others wanted me to do, in
spite of what I wanted.
My third abortion came several years
later after my husband left and
wanted a divorce. I was a single mom
raising our five year old daughter. I
found myself falling back into co-
dependent behaviors. The moment I
realized I was pregnant, I was
gripped with fear of the
consequences of being labelled as an
unfit mother and set the
appointment. But as I sat in the
doctor’s office waiting for my turn I
felt the immense weight of guilt and
shame, wondering, “how did I get
here?”
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JASMINE'S PLACE