January 2019 Issue #25 January 2019 Issue #25 | Page 83

Sexual Resolution #5: Support Someone Else’s Sexual
Rights
Standing up for our own sexual rights would be much easier if we felt like
we weren’t the only ones struggling to do so. Even as social media has
exponentially multiplied our access to other people’s thoughts and stories,
honest discussion of sexuality remains rare. In the silence we can all feel
as if we are the only ones struggling to find a way to be ourselves in the
world, to feel good about our bodies, and to express and explore our desires
and identities, which are always complicated and usually messy.
So in addition to the important act of fighting for your own rights this new
year, consider supporting the rights of others to be sexual on their own
terms. I find it’s best to do this when the person you’re supporting isn’t even
around. You avoid the moral quandary of whether you’re only doing it for
gratitude, plus you’ll aggravate bigots who can’t figure out why you care so
much, when you aren’t even (bi/gay/lesbian/polyamorous/queer/kinky or fill
in any number of other things people like to put down).
Social networks like Facebook and platforms like Twitter have become pop-
ular places to show support. Doing so in real life public spaces is just as
important. It can feel a whole lot riskier, but the kind of learning that can
happen in person is something that will never be replaced by a thousand or
a hundred thousand “likes” or re-tweets.
Sexual Resolution #6: Try Something New For You
What’s a new year’s sexual resolution list without something salacious?
After you’ve worked on your inner self, make sure to spend plenty of time
satisfying, and encouraging, your sexual curiosity.
Buy a vibrator, read a how-to book, take a sex workshop, write some smut-
ty love letters, stretch yourself in whatever ways you are resisting. You may
find some, or even all of the new things you try are boring and unsatisfying,
but what’s important is the journey, not the final destination. This isn’t about
following the latest trend, or keeping up with the Joneses, the key is to find
what’s new for you, and to experiment with things that you’re interested in
but are shy of trying. I’m constantly amazed at how many people feel as if
their sex lives are what they are, and can’t be changed. If this is you, make
a new year’s resolution to do something about it.
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