January 2019 Issue #25 January 2019 Issue #25 | Page 82
Sexual Resolution #3: Share a Few of Your Sexual Se-
crets
One of the drawbacks of not speaking your mind (see resolution #2) is that
most of us carry around any number of sexual secrets. Some of these we
hold dear and enjoy the thrill of the secrecy, other secrets are ones that feel
too painful to share, but that we might benefit greatly from speaking out
loud. It might not be to a friend, a partner, or a family member. It might be in
a support group, or a counseling or therapy session. Consider taking stock
of your current inventory of sexual secrets, and sharing a few this new year
with people who are worthy of them.
If you don’t know who to trust, or nervousness, guilt, anxiety, or shame are
holding you back, but you want to take a first step, there are lots of ways to
share anonymously these days. One old school option is the website Post-
Secret, where you can anonymously submit secrets through the mail that
will then be shared with the world. It may be one of the few places the NSA
can’t trace your communication back to its source.
Sexual Resolution #4: Think About Your Sexual Rights
In her moving and incisive essay, “It’s Time to Politicize Our Sexual Oppres-
sion” the late Barbara Waxman Fiducia suggested that one of the reasons
we don’t stand up for our own sexual rights is that we may believe it’s our
fault we aren’t having the kind of sex we want to have, or aren’t living the
kind of sexual life we want to live. While some people question whether or
not thinking about sex as a right is, well, the right way to think about sex, it’s
certainly one way, and it can be a useful place to begin to reimagine your
own sex life. Many of us may be unaware of our sexual rights, as defined
by international health organizations, either because they are summarily dis-
missed by the mainstream, or because we look and act mainstream enough
that the ways we are actually different are swept under the rug.
This year take time to consider your sexual rights, and more importantly,
think about the ways they are ignored, stomped on, and taken away, by oth-
ers and also by your own actions and inactions.
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