life
WEDDINGS
supporting
roles
And it wouldn’t have
been possible without . . . .
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32
It is interesting that even Debrett’s, the
arbitrator of all things to do with etiquette,
takes a realistic approach when it comes to
the groom’s ‘last days of freedom’.
The first listed duty of the best man is:
“Arrange the groom’s stag celebrations (this
must not be the night
before the wedding)
and make sure the
groom gets home safely
without undue ‘public’
humiliation.”
Just this responsibility
alone makes you realise
what a huge undertaking
it is to be a best man –
if you are to do the job
properly. It is quite a
strong-minded friend
who feels able to ‘keep
abreast of the wedding
preparations’ by liaising
with the bride’s family.
After all, this is a time
when most young men
will want to be well away
from the tangible tension
in the bride’s house as
the day draws near.
It is as well to be aware of what is expected of
you, when the honour of being asked starts
to sink in. You are the lynchpin of the whole
occasion. Everyone who has a query will come
to you. You are in charge of the ushers, in
charge of props, and ultimately in charge of
the groom himself.
Getting him to the church on time is not the
start. You should ensure his cha nge of clothes
for going away are at the reception; you need to
check he’s paid fees to the clergyman, the organist
and bell ringers. And make sure he has the rings
when he leaves for the ceremony, and that he still
has them when he gets
there. (Maybe you should
keep them.)
The photographer will
quickly identify the best
man as someone who can
help him or her organise
the formal photographs.
Signing the register as
a witness and escorting
the chief bridesmaid
down the aisle are far
from onerous, and your
expected skills as master
of ceremonies at the
reception is one reason
you were chosen for the
role. It is assumed you
can make a speech – and
not just a competent one,
a speech that has them
rolling in the aisles.
After that, being
surrogate host when the couple are busy will
fall to you too. The best man doesn’t really get
to relax. It is his job to arrange transport for
any guests – at whatever time they leave, and
to arrange for the gifts to arrive safely at the
couple’s home.
Ushers, for all that they have a far less prominent
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