keepsakes, such as a small teddy bear and a journal. About 100
memory boxes have been provided to hospitals in the Pittsburgh
area and medical staff present the kits to bereaved mothers at
the appropriate time. The boxes are intended to help the mother
create her own memories. Board member Pamela McNally Shaw
says she wished she had a memory box when her daughter was
born without a heartbeat in 2010.
“I didn’t know what to do,” she laments. “I didn’t take a lot of
pictures. I didn’t think it was going to happen to me but when it
did, I thought, ‘Oh my God, what do I do?’”
Ibella agrees and says many mothers feel rushed because they
don’t have much time to spend with their deceased children.
“They only have a small window of time to accomplish what
amounts to a lifetime of memories,” she says. “Time is of the
essence.”
The organization has provided about 20 bags, which include
a blanket and a book titled “We were gonna have a baby, but we
had an angel instead,” to bereaved siblings as well so that each
child can have a memorial item.
“The nurses say it really uplifts the mom’s spirits because they
saw their living child was being recognized,” Ibella says. “That is
really important to the mom at that moment. You are grieving
for yourself, for the child you lost and on behalf of your living
children. Grief is so complex; it has many elements to it.”
The group will host a presentation on sibling grief from 7 to
9 p.m. on June 15 at the Crowne Plaza Pittsburgh South.
The Still Remembered Project has also provided about 70
discrete care packages, which include a journal and bracelet, to
mothers who have suffered a miscarriage. Often, women who
suffer a miscarriage receive very little support, Ibella says. Not
every woman may want to acknowledge her grief publicly, but
the care packages allow her to do that if she decides to, Ibella
explains.
Board members and volunteers have also knitted, crocheted
and sewn approximately 120 blankets, 150 hats and 25 angel
gowns which were donated to hospitals, funeral homes and
bereaved families.
The organization recently launched an outreach program in
an effort to raise awareness about pregnancy and infant loss.
Lamar Advertising published several notices promoting the
Still Remembered Project on digital billboards at highly visible
“It makes a lot of people
uncomfortable to talk about a
child they never met. It made
me uncomforta ble until I was
part of this community.”
locations around Pittsburgh during Mother’s Day weekend.
Ibella says her children saw one of the advertisements and
started screaming because they were so excited.
“My oldest daughter, Lydia, said, ‘Mommy, I’m so proud
of you,’” Ibella recalls. “That just warmed my heart. It was so
special.”
She hopes the outreach program makes it easier for people to
talk about the issue and support the Still Remembered Project.
“We can’t help people if they don’t know about us,” she says.
The Still Remembered Project needs donations and
volunteers, but would also like to create an official headquarters.
Right now, the programs take place at board members’ homes,
many of whom live in Bethel Park. Ibella wants to have a “brick
and mortar” office so the group can host events and create a
library.
The group will reach out to bereaved fathers as well. “The
dads are just as important as the moms,” McNally Shaw explains.
“My husband suggested we organize a golf outing for the dads
because he wishes there was more of a guy-bonding type of
thing to do.”
The group has also partnered with the Pittsburgh Pirates to
raise money by selling tickets and will appear on the field before
the game against the St. Louis Cardinals on September 24 to
raise awareness about pregnancy and infant loss. Tickets can be
purchased at www.pirates.com/stillremembered.
“It’s the classic American day out with the family,” Ibella says.
The Still Remembered Project may also expand the support
group. “We really thrive in an environment like Pittsburgh
because it is such a great community,” Ibella says. “Everyone
really bands together and supports each other. ■
>> For more information, visit stillremembered.org.
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