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The Good Old Days
“Your whole life’s gonna change. I wish
somebody would have told me that. You’ll miss
the magic of the good old days.”
- Macklemore
B
eing the youngest Funeral Director at Perman Funeral Home,
I listen to the stories of how things used to be in funeral
service from Mr. Perman. I’ve also heard the stories about
his father who was a Funeral Director since the 1950s. My
goodness, how things have changed.
While listening to the radio the other day, there was a segment
about “the good old days.” Back then, kids played in the streets, you
could borrow a cup of sugar from the neighbor, people sat on front
porches or the stoop, and newspaper boys delivered the newspaper.
Back in the day, if someone died early in the morning, the
Pittsburgh Press could run the obituary in the afternoon edition
(sometimes making the “bulldog” edition at noon) for the visitation
that would start that same evening. Visitation would last two
additional days. Hours would be 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. Funeral Mass or
services would be on the fourth day.
Funerals have changed since “the good old days.” There are shorter
viewing times, one-day visitations, same-day visitations, no services,
and Celebrations of Life. Cremations passed burials in the U.S. in 2016.
People tell us, “I do not want a fuss.” People should make a fuss
over you. You lived a full life, had a purpose and there are stories
to tell. People need to come to reminisce, remember you, and say
goodbye. They are not coming to see you anyway. It is estimated that
two-thirds of the people who come to the visitation didn’t know the
person who died. Truly, a funeral is not for the dead. The funeral is for
the survivors. In “the good old days,” God forbid if you didn’t have a
visitation.
People cannot get time off work. Make the time. Holding some
sort of gathering is important because it reinforces the reality of the
death. Some people feel like the person is still alive because they
never took the time to say goodbye. Plan the gathering when it is
right for you. If you can’t get time off of work, plan the funeral to fit
your schedule.
A friend of our family cared for an elderly woman. That woman
had no living relatives. When the elderly woman died, our friend’s
employer would not grant bereavement leave. We made it work and
made the funeral convenient for those who attended.
Some say the “cost is too high.” Significant life events and changes
do cost money. A home purchase averages $159,100 in Pennsylvania
according to Zillow.com. A wedding will run you $30,000. Raising a
child will cost approximately $230,000. A new car averages $30,000. A
college education can be over $100,000. The average cost of a funeral
is $8,600.
“I am already dead – what does it matter?” Life matters. Your life
mattered.
In my new career as a Funeral Director, I let families know why
having a funeral is important. Some families agree and see the value
of having a funeral. Many families are thankful that they held some
sort of goodbye. I haven’t heard, “I’m glad we didn’t do anything.”
We, Generation X and Millennials, can learn something from the
more senior Funeral Directors. I listen to the silent generation and the
baby boomers as to why it is important to keep some traditions alive.
We need to say goodbye. The future generations need to understand
that their lives are “gonna change.” I understand the wisdom of the
“good old days.”
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IMPORTANT INFORMATION
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• What to do First –
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• Pre-planning / Planning
Ahead
Frank Perman, Supervisor, CFSP, CPC, CCO, CFC
412-486-3600 www.permanfuneralhome.com
923 Saxonburg Blvd, at Route 8, Shaler Township across from Eat ‘n Park
This Industry Insight was written by Jesse McElroy,
Licensed Funeral Director at Perman Funeral Home and
Cremation Services, Inc. Ms. McElroy recently received her
Certified Preplanning Consultant and Crematory Operations
Certified designations. She helps families tell their stories.
Inquiries may be made to her at 412.486.3600 or emailed to
[email protected].
hampton ❘ SUMMER 2018
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