For the next few weeks , Emmerson says , life took on an odd normality .
Then , at 17 weeks , specialists discovered , as is common with babies with Turner Syndrome , Adisyn had “ hydrops ”, an abnormal build-up of fluid in her body . She was also diagnosed with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome , a congenital condition in which the left side of the heart is significantly under-developed .
It was difficult news to process , but still , at least , there was hope , she says .
“ Again , babies can survive these , and we were going to be flown up to Starship Hospital ( in Auckland ), and
“ I ’ d constantly be talking to her .
“ There are all of those little things – the memories Ben and I created with her – the playing music , and reading her books at night-time in bed .
“ I bought little clothes . I wanted it to be normal . I fully expected we would be going to Starship for the operation after she was born . Our whole life became about her .”
By the 20-week scan , Emmerson had come to loathe the visits to the radiographer . Inevitably , they meant a deteriorating prognosis .
“ And , we got more bad news . They discovered I had low amniotic fluid , which hampers lung development . There was nothing they could do to help her lungs .
“ She also had one kidney that wasn ’ t working properly .”
Emmerson did , however , experience the relief of seeing the one sign she was always first to look out for . Her daughter ’ s beating heart .
Once more , life after that scan and the news of yet more complications , carried on .
“ Gestationally , apart from those things , she was still doing everything she should be .”
Six months into the pregnancy , it was time for yet another scan .
As usual , Emmerson looked for their little girl ’ s heartbeat . This time , it wasn ’ t there .
she would have had open-heart surgery in the first few days of her life . Then she would have had two more operations before she turned five .
“ Had she been suffering , our decisions would have been different , but she wasn ’ t in any pain , and she was getting everything she needed from me . She kept developing and she was reaching all of the milestones .”
Emmerson would chat away to her daughter during regular walks , and cherishes deeply the time she carried Adisyn .
“ I remember lying there and saying :
‘ Well , could she just be lying in the wrong position ?’ But , I knew …”
Her baby , the daughter she had so desperately hoped to carry to term , to raise , love and nurture had slipped away . Adisyn-Hope was now her ‘ angel baby ’.
That was a Thursday late in July , 2014 .
“ In some ways it feels like yesterday and , in others , it feels like a lifetime ago . I can relive it sometimes like it was yesterday .”
The ‘ surreal ’ days that followed , she says , swung between processing such raw , intense and wrenching
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