until the guard yelled go. I planned to wait each time, standing upright until I knew she was two seconds from yelling go. I could pretend I had an itch, or that I was basking in the hot sun I despised or maybe that I was distracted by something interesting down below. I’d stand there sucking it in knowing that if I sat down my fat stomach would double in size and I would want to die.
I’d watch for the life guard’s head turn toward me, step in the water, sit down and take off the second I heard g…not waiting for the o. No one would see me anymore. I’d be moving fast, a blur to the eye slipping down the wet slide. There would be no need to suck it in until the end. Right before that last curve I would straighten out and suck it in. I’d be flat stomached heading into the water. Plan made.
On the first run, the cold water rushed over under me. The turns and curves thrilled me and I laughed with delight. I watched the light clouds flit above and caught flashes of cars and people below. But the joy was fleeting, without warning or expectation, I landed in the pool with a gigantic splash. Terrified of the gawks and stares I was sure to face when I surfaced, I buried myself deep in the water.
I hadn’t been paying attention. I hadn’t noticed that I was getting to the end of the slide and hadn’t sucked it in! I had gone all the way down the slide with my fat stomach hanging loose and certainly the world saw and was disgusted and mortified. Humiliation devoured me as I paddled around hiding at the bottom of the small landing pool. When I finally popped my head out of the water, no one was there but the life guard and she wasn’t looking my way. My friends were already back at the top and no one else had arrived. The humiliation was slightly alleviated, but I had learned my lesson: the slide was a lot shorter than I had imagined and there was no time for joy.
I revised my plan to include sucking it in and lying flat the whole time I was on the slide.
We ran up the slick wooden steps over and over – rushing down the solitary slide in the hot sun, me sucking it in and lying like a plank the whole time. Ann called out to make a train. “I’ll be at the back!” I yelled immediately. I couldn’t have any one of them grabbing me around my fat doughy middle.
The life guard announced we were only allowed trains of two people at a time. First I reached around Lisa’s waist. So tiny. I didn’t want to pull her in too tight. I couldn’t have her bony back make contact with my fat gut. I managed to hold my arms straight yet secure her tightly while maintaining a few inches between us most of the way down. Once at the bottom I shoved her forward and threw my feet out flat so I could stretch into a plank position going into the water. I made a mini-train with each one of my three skinny friends, never letting any of them ride behind me. I launched each one of them off of the slide at the end with all of my might so that I was a straight flat line as I exited the tube. It seemed to work fine.