Love me…please?
I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for a relationship, I can tell you I don't have time. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long single life. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let me take you out on a date, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you…
Had I just received a chat up line or a death threat? Inevitably, I had hit a new low. Tinder, the dating app that matches men and women by geographical location, the ‘Grindr’ for heterosexuals and the contributor to giving people egos as big as Kanyes…almost. One whole year is the amount of time I have ever spent single since growing out of tammy girl clothes. Two moves to London, one move to Cardiff, two university courses and a kitten later and I found myself 23 years of age, single and the biggest Debbie downer you could ever imagine meeting, but Tinder, really?
What was I even searching for? Sex and the City’s Charlotte York had taught me from a young age that we are to be constantly in search of our soul mate and that being single isn’t a choice but a problem. Forcing someone to love you seems logical so long as you’re not single, yes? We seem to be a culture set on self-sabotage.
Adamant to not spend the rest of my single life wallowing in self-pity (although my Bridget Jones phase was a favourite time of mine), I set out on a journey to self-satisfaction.
Here are my 5 tips to self-improvement:
1. Take care of your health
“I can’t start until Monday and I definitely can’t start until I’ve eaten all the junk food so it can’t tempt me”. Trust me when I say I know every trick in the book when it comes to excuses, I spent every sports day in high school pretending to have ‘girl problems’. However, making small changes to your lifestyle can make a huge difference in your physical and mental health. Exercising a few times a week and not having a biscuit with every cup of tea you make can make a massive difference. It should be a lifestyle change though and not a chore
2. If you can’t be nice, be quiet.
I am a firm believer that what you say about other people is more of a reflection on yourself, not them. Time wasted gossiping about people you don’t like won’t make them any worse off. Think before you judge.
3. Start working towards who you want to be.
Write a list of all you wish to achieve in life and start setting realistic goals. Whether the first step is opening a savings account or joining a gym, working hard now will offer you much satisfaction in the years to come. Rome wasn’t built in a day and you have your whole life.
4. Stop comparing yourself to others.
Everyone is different. When you begin comparing yourself to others more often than not it will make you feel bad about yourself. Whether you compare a better body, nicer car, better job, stop and compare yourself to the person you were yesterday. Also, find gratitude for what you do have in life. Whether that is your family, your friends, your job or materials, be grateful for what you do have.
5. Be the best you can be.
Smile more, laugh more, work hard, play hard, stay positive, be kind, give not just to receive, dream, be happy, have patience, passion and ambition.
Now 24 and head-over-heels for a guy that looks like a Calvin Klein underwear model, whose body looks photo-shopped and has a killer personality to match, I say this with great confidence that without spending time ‘finding myself’ first I never would of bagged the ‘hottie’.
Laura Watkins