Voices
changed their names when they
married, and both of whose families we are close to. It felt refreshing, and feminist (and, I’ll grant
you, surprisingly gay). In addition,
this allows us to keep our current
last names as middle names, leaving a portion of our legal names
matching our parents.’
The last name we are considering is Kein, a combination of Kopa
and Schein—it’s short, it’s easy to
spell and pronounce, and it’s an
alphabetical upgrade for both of us
(win-win-win!). It’s important for
me to say that our decision isn’t
just the best of a list of rejected options, but one that I am happy with
and incredibly proud of. What’s
difficult is the questions and hostility that we’ve faced about it that
so many others don’t.
Most often, we are asked why
we don’t just keep our own names,
which implies to me that some
don’t take our marriage seriously
enough to consider it grounds for
a major change that is taken for
granted in heterosexual marriages.
This response also emphasizes
the persistent view that the family name should be the man’s—no
man, no name change!
Another common response
comes from people who don’t
KATIE
RADEMACHER
HUFFINGTON
08.19.12
take seriously our concerns about
our future children’s names. Because having parental rights over
their children and being recognized as parents by their communities isn’t something the majority of parents have
to consider, people
are quick to belittle
What’s
this factor. It is clear
why parental rights
difficult is
are easily taken for
the questions
granted by straight
and hostility
couples, but to us
that we’ve
legislation and polifaced about it
cies will have major,
that so many
tangible impacts on
others don’t.”
our lives. As we enter this new stage in
our lives and become a family,
having a family name solidifies
our status as serious partners
and our intention to be true coparents of any future children we
may have together.
Despite the challenges and initial uncertainty, Ilana and I are
very proud and excited to change
our names. We’re happy to be
making this decision, hopefully
the first of many important life
decisions, based on what best
represents our visions of
partnership and family.