How to Coach Yourself and Others Grief Coaching and Counseling | Page 7

Emotional Healing
A 3 Step Process
Simple? Yes.
Easy? No.

STEP ONE - Approach.
This is the "getting to it" stage... where you are simply getting in touch with the pain. It means
bringing your feelings to the surface, drawing in the parts of you that are in denial,
remembering the feelings.
For some people, this is a very
difficult stage. If your pain is far from
your conscious awareness, it may take
some time to connect with your
feeling self. Patience and perseverence
are the key words here. Think about
how many years you've been out of
touch with your feelings, and how
many ingenious methods have been
used to suppress, repress and
compress your pain! The "pressions"
have accumulated and become a
veritable fortress wall, which you
must find ways around or through in
order to rescue your trapped/lost
essence. Even the most "emotional"
people will often find themselves
faced with enormous resistance when
they sit down with intent to feel.
This phase can include things like banging things, yelling, growling, using judgment release
statements, doing formal goal-setting (note cards, written statements, whatever), even
visualizing and affirmations. It can include imagery, picturing events or people. All kinds of
tricks and tools can be used here - physical, mental and emotional - but the purpose is to get to
step two.
Many people either just stop here, or skip to step three and work to re-evaluate/release
judgments/take in loving light without going through step two. And if a person has been very
distanced from their feelings, it may take a long time doing phase one to GET to phase two, but
the important thing is to know that phase one is only a stepping stone, it's not the place to stop.
The point of all this activity, the only point, is to get to step two (ignition), to get the
feelings moving and expressing in their most natural way.

STEP TWO - Ignition.
What is ignition? Usually, it's crying. It's that moment when you break through the barrier
between your mind and your feelings, and the feelings take over your body and are in charge.
Spontaneous combustion occurs. Hence the very appropriate term: "bursting into tears".