How to Coach Yourself and Others Grief Coaching and Counseling | Page 15

Again, while Kübler-Ross's focus was on death and bereavement, the grief cycle model is a useful
perspective for understanding our own and other people's emotional reaction to personal trauma and
change, irrespective of cause.

FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF - ELISABETH KÜBLER ROSS
EKR stage

Interpretation

1 - Denial

Denial is a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information,
reality, etc., relating to the situation concerned. It's a defence mechanism
and perfectly natural. Some people can become locked in this stage when
dealing with a traumatic change that can be ignored. Death of course is
not particularly easy to avoid or evade indefinitely.

2 - Anger

Anger can manifest in different ways. People dealing with emotional
upset can be angry with themselves, and/or with others, especially those
close to them. Knowing this helps keep detached and non-judgemental
when experiencing the anger of someone who is very upset.

3 - Bargaining

Traditionally the bargaining stage for people facing death can involve
attempting to bargain with whatever God the person believes in. People
facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek to negotiate a
compromise. For example "Can we still be friends?.." when facing a
break-up. Bargaining rarely provides a sustainable solution, especially if
it's a matter of life or death.

4 - Depression

Also referred to as preparatory grieving. In a way it's the dress rehearsal
or the practice run for the 'aftermath' although this stage means different
things depending on whom it involves. It's a sort of acceptance with
emotional attachment. It's natural to feel sadness and regret, fear,
uncertainty, etc. It shows that the person has at least begun to accept the
reality.

5 - Acceptance

Again this stage definitely varies according to the person's situation,
although broadly it is an indication that there is some emotional
detachment and objectivity. People dying can enter this stage a long time
before the people they leave behind, who must necessarily pass through
their own individual stages of dealing with the grief.

(Based on the Grief Cycle model first published in On Death & Dying, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, 1969.
Interpretation by Alan Chapman 2006-2009.)