How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching With Meta Communication | Page 84

2. Fact Disclosure
This level of communication is slightly deeper than
small talk in that you disclose facts about yourself
without triggering topics of emotional interest.
The purpose of fact disclosure is to find out if you
have something in common. You can use these
common areas to build a bridge of friendship later
on. You may want to talk about your career or
occupation, hobbies, where you live, etc.
Avoid topics like marriage, divorce, politics, sex, and
religion in this second level of communication. With
a little creative thinking, and the use of open-ended
questions, you should easily find a topic that interests
you both.
If you find a topic of mutual interest then you may
choose to progress to the next level of
communication: sharing viewpoints and opinions.

3. Share Viewpoints and Opinions
Once you have established that the other person is “safe” through
small talk, and the two of you have found areas of common interest,
you can build rapport by sharing your opinions and viewpoints.
By sharing your viewpoints and opinions you allow yourself to
become vulnerable to the scrutiny and objections of the other
person, so you would only enter this level of communication once
you were comfortable that you both share positive feelings through
the first two levels.
Some people give an opinion about politics or religion as their
starting point at this level. But you may prefer to start by
commenting on the things you have in common – the things that
you found through fact disclosure. This is usually a safe place to
start.
Be prepared to listen to the opinions of your new friend. It is just as
important to listen to their viewpoint as it is that they listen to
yours. This tempered, accepting exchange will enable your
friendship to survive – and perhaps move forward.
Make sure you don’t use your opinions as a form of “character
assassination” of other people. You may be thought of as a negative
person and this may cause your new friend to put distance between
the two of you.
Over time you will learn to find a safe distance in your
communication levels, and if you are forming a genuine bond of
friendship, you may eventually enter into the fourth level of
communication: sharing personal feelings.

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