How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching With Meta Communication | Page 57

offensive. It is not possible to list all these situations here, but as a rule-of-thumb, only comment on a woman's
appearance a) if you know her well enough (this kind of compliment should not be used as an opening line, but only at a
much later stage in flirtatious conversation) and b) at times, places and situations where appearance is relevant – i.e.
where it would be acceptable to comment on a man's appearance. If the situation is not one in which you would
compliment a male acquaintance on his flattering new jacket or haircut, do not comment on a female's appearance
either.
(Males please note: 80% of women think that they are too fat. In one American survey, women were asked what were
the three words they would most like to hear from a male partner. The most common answer was not, as expected, "I
love you", but "You've lost weight". While you should not make any comment on a woman's figure unless you know
her well, this compliment might please a girlfriend or close female friend.)

Listening
Good listeners have distinct advantages in the flirting stakes, but
being a good listener is not just about shutting up and letting the
other person talk (although this certainly helps). Good listening is
essentially about giving good 'feedback', which involves giving both
verbal and non-verbal signals to show that you are a) paying
attention, and b) interested.
Effective non-verbal feedback signals include nodding, smiling,
responsive facial expressions and leaning forwards, accompanied by
general positive body language such as 'open' posture and
posture/gesture echo. Good verbal feedback signals include the use
of expressions such as "mm-hmm", "yeah", "mmm", "ah" to show
interest or agreement and to encourage the other person to continue