How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching With Meta Communication | Page 48

You are also likely to interpret expressions differently depending on who is making them. Experiments have
shown that people may read the same expression as 'fear' when they see it on a female face, but as 'anger' when it
appears on male face. There are also cultural and even regional differences in the amount of emotion people express
with their faces. Oriental people are more likely than Westerners to hide their emotions under a 'blank' expression or a
smile, for example, and American researchers have found that in the US, Notherners smile less than people from the
South.
If an attractive stranger smiles at you, it could be that he or she finds you attractive, but he or she could also be an
outgoing, sociable person from a culture or region in which smiling is commonplace and not particularly meaningful.
These factors must also be taken into account when considering the
effect of your own facial expressions. People tend to be put off by
levels of expressiveness that are considerably higher or lower than
what they are used to, so it could help to try to 'match' the amount of
emotion you express with your face to that of your target.
As a general rule, however, your face should be constantly
informative during a flirtatious conversation. Unexpressiveness – a
blank, unchanging face – will be interpreted as lack of interest when
you are listening and an absence of facial emphasis when you are
speaking will be disturbing and off-putting. You need to show
interest and comprehension when listening, and to promote interest
and comprehension when speaking, through facial signals such as
eyebrows raised to display surprise, as a question mark or for
emphasis; the corners of the mouth turning up in amusement;
nodding to indicate agreement; frowning in puzzlement; smiling to
show approval, or to indicate that what you are saying should not be
taken too seriously, and so on.
Fortunately, most of these facial signals are habitual, and do not
have to be consciously manufactured, but some awareness of your
facial expressions can help you to monitor their effect and make
minor adjustments to put your target more at ease, for example, or
hold his or her attention, or increase the level of intimacy.
Finally, remember that your target is unlikely to be scrutinising you
for tiny signs of insincerity, so a 'social' smile will be infinitely
more attractive than no smile at all.

How to Read Male Flirting Signals
Not everything a guy does is a sign that he is flirting. This can
make it difficult especially when a man frequently exhibits
standard flirting signals. So, how can you tell if he is flirting
or not? Start by observing his behavior. Watch how he
interacts with other women and even other men. For example,
do his eyes light up when he looks at you or when he looks at
every other lady in the room? If he is interested in you, he
will keep flirting that day, and if he is around you often, in
the days to come. So stop and observe just a little before
deciding whether to take action.
Men’s flirting technique can be relatively limited. Fine: after
all, it’s the girl who makes the first move, though the guy
might not know it. With a fair degree of accuracy, you can
guess a guy is flirting from the way he’s clearly looking for
someone’s attention. The gestures he speaks to his friends with expand. He exaggerates his body language – to a greater
or lesser extent – and his voice might sound as if he’s projecting to more than his immediate group of friends.
Men’s flirting body language extends, during this initial stage, to his detaching himself from his company. He’ll pull
back from them slightly, making sure that you have a good view. How do you know it’s you? Well, has he looked yet?
Briefly? Occasionally? Surreptitiously? If not, he’s about to.

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