How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching With Meta Communication | Page 41

Non-verbal flirting
When a man and a woman meet for the first time, both are in
a difficult, ambiguous and potentially risky situation. Neither
person knows what the other's intentions and feelings are.
Because stating intentions and feelings verbally involves a
high risk of embarrassment or possible rejection, non-verbal
behaviour becomes the main channel of communication.
Unlike the spoken word, body language can signal invitation,
acceptance or refusal without being too obvious, without
causing offence or making binding commitments.
Warning: some of the non-verbal flirting techniques outlined
in this section are very powerful signals, and should be used
with caution. Women should be particularly careful when
using signals of interest and attraction. Men already tend to
mistake friendliness for flirting; if your signals of interest are
too direct and obvious, they will mistake them for sexual
availability.

Eye contact
Your eyes are probably your most important flirting tool. We
tend to think of our eyes mainly as a means of receiving
information, but they are also extremely high-powered
transmitters of vital social signals. How you look at another
person, meet his or her gaze and look away can make all the
difference between a successful, enjoyable flirtation and an
embarrassing or hurtful encounter.
Eye contact – looking directly into the eyes of another person
– is such a powerful, emotionally loaded act of
communication that we normally restrict it to very brief
glances. Prolonged eye contact between two people indicates
intense emotion, and is either an act of love or an act of
hostility. It is so disturbing that in normal social encounters, we avoid eye contacts of more than one second. Among a
crowd of strangers in a public setting, eye contacts will generally last only a fraction of second, and most people will
avoid making any eye contact at all.

This is very good news for anyone wishing to initiate a flirtation with an attractive stranger. Even from across a
crowded room at a party, you can signal your interest in someone merely by making eye contact and attempting to hold
your target's gaze for more than one second (not too much more, though, or you will seem threatening). If your target
maintains eye contact with you for more than one second, the chances are that he/she might return your interest. If after
this initial contact, your target looks away briefly and then looks back to meet your gaze a second time, you can safely

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