How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching With Meta Communication | Page 37

Psychologists and social scientists have spent many years studying every detail of social intercourse between men and
women. Until now, their fascinating findings have been buried in obscure academic journals and heavy tomes full of
jargon and footnotes. This Guide is the first to reveal this important information to a popular audience, providing expert
advice on where to flirt, who to flirt with and how to do it.

Where to flirt
Parties
Flirting is most socially acceptable at parties, celebrations and social
occasions/functions. At some such events (e.g. Christmas/New Year
parties) a degree of flirtatious behaviour is not only socially sanctioned,
but almost expected.
This is because most parties, celebrations, carnivals and festivals are
governed by a special code of behaviour which anthropologists call
'cultural remission' – a temporary, structured relaxation of normal social
controls and restrictions.
This might just sound like a fancy way of saying 'letting your hair down',
but it isn't. 'Cultural remission' does not mean abandoning all your
inhibitions, letting rip and behaving exactly as you please. There are rules
of behaviour at even the wildest carnival – although they may involve a
complete reversal of normal, everyday social etiquette. Flirtatious
behaviour which is normally frowned upon may be actively required, and
prissy refusal to participate may incur disapproval.

Drinking-places
Flirting is also socially acceptable in some public settings, usually where alcohol is served – such as bars, pubs, nightclubs, discos, wine bars, restaurants, etc. One survey showed that 27% of British couples first met their current partner
in a pub, and alcohol was voted the most effective aid to flirting by respondents in the Martini Flirting Survey.
Flirting in drinking-places is, however, subject to more
conditions and restrictions than at parties. In pubs, for example,
the area around the bar counter is universally understood to be
the 'public zone', where initiating conversation with a stranger
is acceptable, whereas sitting at a table usually indicates a
greater desire for privacy. Tables furthest from the bar counter
are the most 'private' zones.
As a rule-of-thumb, the more food-oriented establishments or
'zones' tend to discourage flirting between strangers, while
those dedicated to drinking or dancing offer more socially
sanctioned flirting opportunities. Restaurants and food-oriented
or 'private' zones within drinking-places are more conducive to
flirting between established partners.
Learning-places
Schools, colleges, universities and other educational
establishments are hot-beds of flirting. This is largely because
they are full of young single people making their first attempts
at mate selection.
Learning-places are also particularly conducive to flirting
because the shared lifestyle and concerns of students, and the
informal atmosphere, make it easy for them to initiate
conversation with each other. Simply by being students, flirting
partners automatically have a great deal in common, and do not
need to struggle to find topics of mutual interest.

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