How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching and Counseling in Difficult Circumstances | Page 152

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waiting till the accusation is made, since you know it’s coming, and then doing your acknowledgment thing.
Sometimes stakeholders can find preemptive acknowledgment all the more infuriating. It can look like you had
a slick, well-rehearsed plan to go public only if you were about to get caught.
One way to make this judgment call is to ask yourself what’s in your own mind. If you’re thinking, “that’ll take
the wind out of their sails,” your preemptive intention is more hostile than apologetic. It’s probably better to
give your critics the satisfaction of catching you fair and square – wait and let them raise the issue. (When they
do, be sure to acknowledge and apologize promptly; there’s nothing to be gained by evading or protesting.) But
if you’re thinking, “it’s time to own up and face the music,” then there’s a good chance your acknowledgment
will be experienced as proactive, not preemptive.

10. Performatives: “I Hope the Situation Will Improve Soon”
Havens ends Making Contact with a short section on “Performative Language.” The concept of performative
statements was introduced by philosopher J.L. Austin, particularly in his influential 1962 book, How To Do
Things with Words. The basic concept is obvious once it’s pointed out: Some statements don’t sta FR6