How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching and Counseling in Difficult Circumstances | Page 134

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contamination is deadly. You suspect that part of what’s going on is an unacknowledged worry about property
values, which may be fueling people’s resistance to the reassuring health data. (Of course other things are
fueling it too: mistrust of your company, scientific uncertainty, etc.) You want to raise the property values issue
without being too intrusive. Here are some of your options:

Undeflected:

You

“You’re not really worried about health! You’re afraid your property values might be affected.”
Deflected:

I

“I was in a situation like this when I lived near an industrial park. What worried me even more than the health
effects was the possibility that my property values might be affected.”
More deflected:

They

“One of your neighbors was talking with me last week about this situation, and the thing that worried him the
most was the possibility of an effect on his property values.”
Still more deflected:

Some people

“Some people in a situation like this would probably be worried about their property values.”
Most deflected:

It

“It’s possible there could be some concern about property values here.”

Lots of variations and combinations are possible. Consider this example: “I wonder if some people here tonight
might also be worried about their property values.” Talking about what “people here tonight” are thinking is
pretty intrusive for a public meeting. But making it “some people” reduces the intrusiveness; “I wonder if” and
“might also” deflect it further.

Deflection serves two empathic purposes.
First, the more you deflect what you say, the less likely it is to provoke denial. People can more easily accept
that it’s possible there could be some concern about property values than that they themselves are actually more
worried about property values than health.
Second, deflection makes it easier to keep the issue on the table (or at least in the room) even in the face of
denial. If you tell me I’m worried about property values and I tell you I’m not, we’re at loggerheads. It’s hard to
go on to talk about property values. But if you say only that there could be some concern about property values,
I can say “not for me there isn’t” (or perhaps just say it to myself) and the property values topic is still on the
table. It’s best to avoid provoking stakeholders to express their denial. So if you decide to say that some people
in a situation like mine would probably be worried about their property values, you should just let the statement
hang there. Don’t add “What about you?” – which might easily force me to say, “No, not me.”
Of course deflectio