How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching and Counseling in Difficult Circumstances | Page 109

This book is in B&W, not color - Print page in Grayscale for Correct view! C. Demanding (instead of requesting): Attempting to control others by threatening, bossing, manipulating, or shaming. If the denial of a "request" results in punitive action, the request was really a demand. When a person perceives a demand the only choices they know are to submit or to rebel. Demands include the following violence provoking language. 1. 1. Words like: have to, must, should, had better 2. 2. Threats of punishment or blame (punishment extracts a high price) 3. 3. Promise of reward or praise (reward is dehumanizing) 4. 4. Any fear inducing language or behaviour. “Judgments & violence are tragic expressions of unmet needs.” (Marshall Rosenberg) “To observe without evaluation is the highest form of human intelligence.” (J. Krishnamurti) Thinking & Language that Alienate Us from One Another - Diagnoses, judgments, labels, analysis, criticism, comparisons, etc. - Deserve thinking (i.e. that certain behaviours merit punishment or rewards) - Demands (denial of other person’s choice; intention to punish those who don’t do it) - Denial of choice or responsibility (had to, should, supposed to, they made me do it, etc.) Purpose of NVC - To inspire compassionate, heartfelt connection so that all needs may be valued - To connect to the life in ourselves and others - To be inspired and to inspire others to give from the heart Background of NVC - Developed by Marshall Rosenberg during the Civil Rights era; influenced by Carl Rogers - Centre for Nonviolent Communication: web: www.cnvc.org, email: [email protected], - phone: 1-818-957-9393 What NVC is not … - NVC is not about being nice; it's about being real. It's not about stifling intensity, but transforming it. - NVC is not about changing other people or getting them to do what we want. It's about creating connection & understanding. - NVC is not a technique or formula. It's a process that helps guide our consciousness to a new awareness. 4 Components of an NVC Expression 1. OBSERVATION “When I see/hear/notice…” (free of judgments, labels, diagnoses, opinions, etc.) 2. FEELING (free of thoughts) “… I feel …” Examples of feelings when needs ARE met: Affectionate Confident Engaged Excited Exhilarated Grateful Inspired Hopeful Exuberant Joyful Calm Refreshed For [email protected] Property of Bookemon, do NOT distribute 111