How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 95

5. The confrontational statement
This manipulative approach is about causing an argument. That way, the provoker will end up making
you feel terrible over something you didn't do or say, but for which you ought to feel guilty anyway
and they'll get a huge chunk of sympathy with which to manipulate you all over again.
Those statements are used to put you on the defensive. They can even be brought up jokingly but with
the intent to mock or pour cold water on your hopes. If you play the manipulator's game, you will end
up in a fight without knowing how it started.
Examples:
"How dare you leave me alone tonight!"
"I thought we agreed that this would be the
best solution. And now you're deliberately
doing something entirely different."
"Why do you always have to do everything
your way? What about me?"
"Why do you always..."
"Do you expect me to..."
"I can't believe you would..."
"I thought we were going to..."
"Why should I have to..."
"I've been told that..."
"How could you..."
"Why don't you..."
"Did you hear me?"
"Well, does that mean that I have to..."
"I thought you..."
"Don't you think you (we) should..."
"Are you telling me..."
"I thought we agreed..."
How to deal with it:
Avoid the confrontation and dispute manipulation
Let things slide. Don't respond to bad behavior.
Don't reply defensively and avoid saying "I'm
sorry but..." You can choose not to fight by using
one of the following replies:
"That's my decision"
"I know you're unhappy, but that's the way it is"
"I'll have to think about that"
"You seem upset"
"We'll talk later when you aren't so upset."
"We don't always have to agree."
"I prefer it that way"
"You're right" (and drop the subject)

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