How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 84

6. Whining, Sulking and Crying
Source:
James Lehman: http://www.minti.com/parenting-advice/10010/Moody-Kids-How-to-Respond-toPouting-Whining-and-Sulking/
Some people will use crying, sorrow, screaming and other forms of emotions to further their own ends
or to simply get what they want. This is common among children and teenagers who will "test the
waters", to see how far they can go with this form of manipulation. The behavior is more about
boundary testing and can be dealt with appropriately with
good parenting skills.
Pouting, sulking and whining are three of the most annoying
ways that kids communicate their displeasure, anger or
frustration with a situation. This beha vior is not just limited
to young children, either—teens do it because they haven’t
always learned the skills to express their frustration in an
appropriate way. Simply put: it works for them.
When kids or even teens walk around the house in a huff in
order to get their way, that means someone—probably one
or both parents—is still reacting to it. But know this: if you
start blaming, accusing or trying to reason with your child
about this type of behavior, you’re just feeding the
tiger—you're simply giving it more meat. The behavior will
continue if you continue to get sucked in by it.
As your child grows older, they’re supposed to learn ways to
express their displeasure, frustration, anger or anxiety about
a situation. Most kids are eventually able to do this most of
the time, but some kids persist in sulking. It’s not unusual to see children continue this all the way up
into grade school and beyond. Remember, the behaviors kids tend to continue are the behaviors that are
meeting their needs. And until your child learns other, more effective ways of communicating, it will
probably continue.
Make Your Home a Safe Place to Express Different Views
Your child’s freedom to speak his mind assumes one primary condition: that it’s safe to express
himself in your house. Don’t forget, this behavior may be a replacement form of communication for
kids who don’t feel safe saying what they really want to say. Instead, they use other, more passive
methods to let people know they’re unhappy, without actually having to take responsibility for it.
Help Your Child Find Other Ways to Express Herself
Initially, you can sit down with your child and identify alternative ways for them to express themselves
that don’t involve a dramatic display of their bad mood. So the message they want to get across might
be, “I don’t want to go to bed now,” or “I don’t want to do my homework,” or “Why can’t we go to the
movies?” Instead of pouting, as kids grow older, the expectation is that they should be able to express
that verbally to you. So at first, bring it to their attention. Say, “I notice now that you’re sulking. If you
want to say something to me, figure out a better way to say it.” In my opinion, the best thing to do is

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