How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 82

5. The guilt trip
You need to realize that we are imperfect beings, and no product and human-related actions can turn us
into a perfect human. You should also know that there are certain types of manipulation that prey on
those individuals that are quite unsure about their abilities, and even those who are suffering from their
imperfection - or so they are lead to believe.
Guilt tripping is a special kind of intimidation tactic. A manipulator seeks to make the conscientious
victim feel guilty by suggesting that he or she does not care enough, is too selfish or has it easy. This
behavior is aimed at making the victim feel that he is not doing all that he should do, or that he is not
acting in a correct way. This usually results in the victim feeling bad, keeping them in a self-doubting,
anxious and submissive position, rather than standing up four their own values.
How to curtail the guilt trip.
Guilt trips are really high on the list of manipulative tools. If you can get someone else to feel guilty,
then you're home and hosed. However, people wear out after being made to suffer guilt too many times
and the manipulator risks losing respect, friends, and being distanced by those who can't get away,
such as family and co-workers. One of the key things to keep in mind when escaping the guilt trip bind
is that the sooner you nip it in the bud, the better, and that it's their guilt trip, not yours.
Recognize it.
Guilt trips are usually prefaced with
"If you really cared about me, you'd...",
"If you were more responsible, you'd...",
"If you were more understanding, you'd...".
"Don't you care if...."
"If you loved me..."
"Everyone knows that..."
"Every decent person would..."
"I just knew you would say that!"
"Can't you take a joke?"
"You could never do..."
"I thought that's what you wanted"
In each case, you can substitute the words they add in after with "do as I want".
Another way of inducing a guilt trip is to tell you what you wouldn't do, for example:
"I knew I'd misheard it! After all, you'd never get engaged without telling me first." In that small
phrase, you've just been told that the expectations are that you'll defer to this person before making any
decisions.
Manipulative people use statements to make you feel guilty about doing or not doing something. You
don't expect it and it blinds your ordinarily good judgment.

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