How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 74

3. Intimidation, bullying, swearing and threats
Manipulators sometimes like to openly threaten or brow-beat someone else into giving-up or giving-in
to their demands. They like to terrorize others into submission. They use fear as a weapon, whether
it’s fear of the known or unknown. People in relationships with manipulators are generally familiar
with their track record of behavior, thus they know what the manipulator is not only capable of but also
what they have been willing to do to get their way in the past.
Manipulators who bully manipulate others by keeping them on the defensive and making them so
afraid of possible negative repercussions that they don’t dare go against their wishes. Sometimes,
manipulators will brandish intense anger and rage, not so much because they’re really that angry, but
because they want their victims to be so terrorized that they dare not do anything but cave in to their
demands. That doesn’t mean that victims should take the rageful behavior of their tormentors lightly,
it simply means that they have to recognize that they are probably in a relationship with a person who
will stop at nothing to get his or her way.
Individuals who frequently use bullying as a manipulation tactic are among the least likely to change
their modus operandi. That’s because in addition to being an effective tactic of manipulation, such
hard-headed combativeness is also a primary way the manipulator avoids any kind of submission to a
higher authority or standard of conduct. Those who refuse to subjugate themselves to anything wage a
constant war against the internalization of standards and controls that make most of us civilized.
Suffice it to say that the best idea is to not remain in any kind of relationship with a person willing to
engage in such behavior.
Covert intimidation:
Manipulator may also try to throw their victim onto the defensive by using veiled (subtle, indirect or
implied) threats. Often, the manipulator will first invoke fear in the victim, and then provide a solution
for the threatening situation, which, of course, will solely or mainly advance their own purposes.
For example: “Your performance has been lacking around here recently and the CEO suggested that I
put employees who are struggling on probation. Don’t worry, I won’t do this now. But I do want you
to show me what you’re capable of. Do you mind working this Saturday to help build-up your
numbers?”

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