How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 73

recommended, at any stage, that you tell your partner about these strategies. Just do what you need to
do without explanation or prior warning.
Important – If the silent treatment is from a partner who is verbally abusive or physically abusive,
rather than acting on the suggestions given here, get help from a professional experienced in such
matters. Also get professional advice before acting on these strategies if you believe your partner may
gravitate from silence abuse to physical or verbal abuse, even if they have not done this in the past.
Not Speaking on Special Days
It's sad and awkward when there is a special occasions (e.g. Christmas or Weddings) but you and your
partner are not speaking. My advice is to continue with the above strategies and to re-double your
efforts at being positive. Do not allow yourself to wallow in feeling sorry for yourself or get indignant
at the insanity of it all (especially when it's over a petty matter).
Past experience may have taught you that things are not going to magically be right just because it is a
special day. Therefore, instead of merely dreading the special day, do plan ahead of time how you will
keep yourself busy and buoyant. Rise above it all so that the day will not be a total washout.
You CANNOT Force your Partner to Stop the Silent Treatment!
Most people find that no amount of pleading or apologizing will make their partner stop this behaviour.
Bear in mind that the ONLY person you can change is yourself so the way forward is to change the
way you yourself respond when he/she gives you the silent treatment.

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