How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 72

How to deal with the Silent Treatment when used as a form of Emotional Abuse
Some victims have noted their abuser becomes notably happier the more worn down and miserable
they become. In order to cope, the victim must appreciate that a silent treatment abuser thrives on
observing the negative effect they have on their target. Therefore it is necessary to stop “feeding” their
desire for control and power.
This means NOT giving them the satisfaction of seeing the negative emotional affects of their
immature behaviour. They can derive a great sense of self importance and triumph if you get irate,
annoyed, upset, capitulate/apologise, weep or plead with them to talk to you. Starve them of these
rewards for their unjust behaviour and they will likely eventually tire of engaging in the silent
treatment and revert more quickly than usual to their normal demeanour.
Here are some strategies to help with “starving” them out and breaking silent treatment.
· Don’t appear upset The best way to do this is not to actually allow the abuser’s actions to get you upset in the first place.
Stop yourself getting stressed by having to hand a previously prepared positive list of things you will
do to distract yourself from feeling overwhelmed by the silent treatment. Your list could include
listening to uplifting music, exercising, watching your favourite comedy shows, engaging in hobbies
such as painting, reading or the like.
· Be seen to be upbeat Essentially go about your normal day to day activities and be seen to be positively and contentedly
getting on with your life in spite of their efforts to unsettle you.
· Refrain from engaging in tit-for-tat not speaking This is easier said than done but it pays to make a superhuman effort to speak to the other person as
and when the need arises about everyday matters. When you talk to them be sure to use your normal
delivery and tone of voice. Do not be tempted into trying to play them at their own game, for they are
experts at it and it will ultimately get you no-where as regards eradicating such behaviour. Do not
allow them to drag you down to their level of immaturity in dealing with the inevitable ups and down
of a relationship. Two wrongs don’t make a right!
· Do not try to coax your partner into conversing with you Just be secure in the knowledge that if they don’t answer you, you will survive. You’ve survived in the
past and you will survive now, only this time you will be surviving much more contentedly than in the
past. When they don’t respond to you, or don’t respond well, simply move on with your day and refuse
to dwell on their rudeness.
· Do not rise to the bait When they use sarcasm or will only speak to you in a patronizing manner, instead of getting upset or
responding in kind, simply get on with enjoying something on your previously prepared silent
treatment “Survival” list of things to do! Let them see that their attempt at trying to rile you is a waste
of their time and yours! Remember - do not “feed” their habit.
Acting on the above guidance is not easy and you may falter at times. When this happens do just
forgive yourself and then be sure to press on with the suggestions, for you know you deserve better
treatment from your significant other. Make it a con scious choice to be responsible for your own
happiness and soar above the Silent Treatment.
Please be aware that if you tell your partner your plans to put the above strategies into action and then,
for some reason, you do not follow through, it will likely lead to your partner feeling triumphant and
encourage them to engage in silent treatment emotional abuse even more! Therefore it is not

71