How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 44

In "doing you a favor", their expectation increases that you have to return the favor. They may also
complain constantly about all the things they do for you and wonder rhetorically when you're going to
return this favor...
This type of personality will give you everything — but at a price. They will do you favors, give you
special attention, and be overly considerate, but they expect much in return. Their giving is tied to their
desire to be considered a “good person” or be considered important to another person. They “cash in”
on the favors they’ve done for you to get you to comply with their wishes. Common phrases heard
from the Martyr include, “After all I’ve done for you” and “I would do it for you.”
Excessively needy and dependent personalities.
The Needy person is the most difficult type of manipulator to let go of. They are experts at making you
feel sorry for them, and making you feel like you are the only person that can help them. Some Needy
personalities don’t realize that they are manipulative. They have learned to depend on others for their
needs, and simply don’t know how to get along without help. They may cry or become offended when
accused of manipulation. Those that realize they are manipulative may become passive-aggressive in
their attempts to regain control.
People who feel uncomfortable in their own skin, putting forth their own opinions and ideas can often
hide behind manipulative behavior so that it seems as if you are responding on your own accord even
though they've set up everything to have you respond directly to their neediness.
Narcissists.
This is the archetypal manipulative personality and it's very hard to deal with this master manipulator.
e Narcissist is the ultimate manipulator. They are egotistic, self-absorbed and feel entitled to nearly
everything they desire. They lack empathy and consideration for others, so they will easily manipulate
to their own gain. They think it is their right to have others do what they say.
You.
Seriously, at one time or other, every single one of us practices manipulative behaviors in one form or
other. It is just that for most people, manipulative actions tend to be one-off or only occasional
instanc es rather than a purposeful map for daily living and interaction with others.

3.4 Note the possible types of ways in which people try to
manipulate one another.
There are some key behaviors that can end up in manipulation, and it's helpful to know how to spot
them before walking right into them. The most common methods of manipulation are flattery, guilttripping, repetition, assumption, confrontation, and gaslighting: a way of twisting information in such a
way that the person being manipulated begins to doubt their own perceptions and memory.
The most common manipulation tricks are explained in detail in chapter 4.

43