How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 38

Before changing the deal, they get their victims to confirm their commitment. Each confirmation increases the commitment on the part of the victim:, more so when the confirmation is made publically: talking about the agreement, discussing aspects, telling his friends, confirming a date, … Each of these steps result in a greater level of commitment and make it more difficult for the victim to pull back from the deal. Manipulators also know the importance of confirming to their victims that they made the right decision and, if someone did them a favour, they will let them know afterwards what happened, hoping that in this way their victims will appreciate the feedback and may be able to help them further in future. The law of commitment and consistence also works in a much different way: People want to be consistent, so when they are aware of dissonance in their lives, when attitudes conflict with actions of beliefs, they feel uncomfortable and will try to restore the harmony in their lives. To shut out dissonance, they may       Deny there is a conflict by ignoring the conflictive information or deliberately misperceiving it. Change existing cognitions (admit they were wrong) and adapt to the new situation Reframe their understanding or interpretation of the meaning (consider the matter of no importance) Discredit the source of the conflictive information and search support for their own viewpoint. Separate the conflictive attitudes: “what happens in one area of my life has nothing tot do with other areas.” Rationalize: find excuses for why the inconstancy is acceptable Because dissonance is causing them to feel uncomfortable, it is a powerful tool to motivate people to make and keep commitments. Manipulators will sell you a dream, then make you pay for it: a. Step one: They will create rapport, discover what you are dreaming of and join you in your dream: “imagine you went to sleep yesterday and woke up this morning in an ideal world, how would you know? – what would it look like?” b. Step two: They will create dissonance by remembering you that your dream has not been realized yet in your life: “too bad that …”, “yes, but see what you’ve got now …” c. Step three: They will offer you a solution, that is: show you how you can become happy again: (This is where they present the bill for becoming happy!) “what if I could prove you …”, “if you do what I ask, then I can assure you …”, “If I could …; would this allow you to ….” 7. The law of contrast Effective manipulators present their Victim with a contrast of choices. Their goal is to convince their Victim to purchase Product “E”. This is a higher ticket item that may be slightly outside their Victim’s price range. However, instead of showing them Product E to begin with, they inste ad show them Products A through D. They inform their Victim that Product A, B, C and D have several undesirable options that don’t quite match their Victim’s needs. They eventually work their way up to Product E that meets their Victim’s Needs perfectly. 37