How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 31

They are very good at pointing out areas of agreement and at appealing to common values : “We both
want you to have what you want and deserve.”, “I don’t want to cause you trouble any more than you
do yourself.”
They overcome objections by providing good reasons why it is in the victim’s best interest to do what
they propose.
An often used scheme is:
a.
b.
c.
d.

Agree with the feelings of the victim
Stress areas of agreement
Overcome objections by giving good reasons
Adding an “It’s for your best interest only / I don’t need you”-disclaimer

Example:
“Yes, I know what you mean and I am sure that nine out of ten times, that would be the right thing to
do. However, this case has some very unusual circumstances that make it a little different.
Just like you, I wish things were easier, better, cheaper, not so risky, … But I know that you want to
get the best deal and I want you to get the best price, to be completely satisfied, You’ve looked around
yourself and you already know that the best things in life demand some risk. Taking a little chance is
always something you have to live with. You can’t buy one like this for any less anywhere anyway.
… It’s up to you to decide of course. After all, my only desire is to help you succeed in any way that I
can. After all, I don’t want to see you run into trouble with your wife. …”
Manipulators generate doubt
Manipulators rarely argue directly against an idea or proposal, they will rather first praise their victim
for his ideas, but then create confusion or doubt: “That's an excellent idea, but if we look more deeply
....." or "I agree with what you say but have you considered ....".
Manipulators reduce Resistance with suggestive questions
“Surely, everybody will agree that …” This simple line that we read and hear regularly, is the standard
example of a suggestive question.
Wikipedia, the free Encyclopaedia, describes a suggestive question as a question that implies that a
certain answer should be given in response, or falsely presents a presupposition in the question as
accepted fact. Such a question distorts the memory thereby tricking the person into answering in a
specific way that might or might not be true or consistent with their actual feelings, and can be
deliberate or unintentional. For example, the phrasing "Don't you think this was wrong?" is more
suggestive than "Do you think this was wrong?" despite the difference of only one word. The former
may subtly pressure the respondent into responding "yes," whereas the latter is far more direct.
Repeated questions can make people think their first answer is wrong and lead them to change their
answer, or it can cause people to continuously answer until the interrogator gets the exact response that
they desire. The diction used by the interviewer can also be an influencing factor to the response given
by the interrogated individual.

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