How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 273
Tax laws are in flux. Are you prepared for the changes?
The questions have to be asked in such a way as to NOT seem invasive to the prospect. What's an
invasive question? Something like this: What is your total net worth? How much investible money do
you have right now?
Once you can get the prospect talking easily, you can turn to questions that take more thought and elicit
longer answers.
In Closing. Think of yourself as a mentor and your prospect as your protegee - the person you are
going to help. There are two ways to approach the relationship. 1) you could dictate and preach at him.
2) you could understand his mind and appeal to his values. Which way to do you think would be more
effective?
Unfortunately, most Advisors take the low road, ask the wrong questions and even fail to listen to the
answers. That approach is horribly dysfunctional, and given that today is the Age of Cynicism, it's an
approach that could destroy your credibility.
Abusing social forms
One night, someone rang at my door, and politely asked whether he could ask me something. Sensing
that this person wanted to sell me something, I said that it depended what the question was about. So he
gave me an indication of what he wanted to sell, which had to do with some lottery. I told him I was
not interested, and considered this my final answer to his question of whether he could ask me
something.
As I proceeded to close my door, he started arguing that everybody likes to win things in a lottery. I, on
the other hand, felt I had been clear that the conversation was over, and I saw no reason to change my
mind about it. While I went on closing the door, slowly, so as not to appear aggressive, he kept talking.
He, in fact, kept talking until after I had closed the door. He then yelled something about my lack of
decency, and had no choice but to leave.
Of course, this person was not respectful towards me. He was trying to manipulate me into listening to
what he wanted to say. He probably would have proceeded not giving me the option not to sign up, if I
had wanted to be polite at all cost. He was, in fact, abusing unspoken rules of politeness in order to get
me to do what he wanted. Then he blamed me for his own disrespect.
Aggressive sales at your door
When I accidently read in a regional newspaper that they were going to have people go door to door,
and aggressively promote the paper, I considered myself forewarned. Particularly the mentioning of
"aggressiveness," that to marketers seems like a positive value, got me annoyed. After all, aggression
in marketing means "pushy and disrespectful." Of course, niceness is used to hide the disrespectful
edge, but that, in fact, doesn't make it any less disrespectful.
So, one night a tall, strong looking man stood at my doorstep, and he had some kind of list with
questions. He said he was there for the newspaper, and in a commanding voice he proceeded to ask me
questions, like whether I had read the newspaper previously. Now I had no interest in the newspaper,
and I had no interest in answering his questions. If he was respecting me, he would have asked whether
I was willing to answer his questions, or whether I had at all an interest in the newspaper. So I
answered the questions he should have asked first, and on every one of his questions said that I was not
interested. After 3 or 4 of his questions, he got the point. He left.
A free gift
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