How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 238

7.4. How to Deal With a Manipulator
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Manipulators seek one thing: control. Anyone can be manipulative or manipulated: parents, lovers,
spouses, friends, children, employers or employees. Because any relationship that involves
manipulation is destined for problems, you need to recognize and deal with a manipulator for your own
mental and emotional health.

1
Identify manipulative behaviors. Manipulators are very good at what they do: controlling others. Their
tactics vary, but the goal is always to get the manipulated to do what the manipulator wants.
Manipulative behaviors can include threatening, flattering, giving you guilt or demeaning you. They
may keep you guessing by alternating between excesses of affection and charm and coldness or anger.
If you often feel stressed and resentful when dealing with someone, you may be enmeshed in a
manipulative relationship.
2
Look at ways in which you play into the manipulator's hands. List things you have done or not done to
please the manipulator and how you felt when at the time.

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