How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 231

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When you find yourself telling your mom/father or sister/brother, "But, you have to understand
him/her like I do," that's a bad sign. Why should everyone else understand her/him and adjust their
behavior — wouldn't it be easier if he/she would adjust his/hers? It's much easier for him/her to
control you when you've decided your loved ones just don't understand your mate, and soon, you
have no one but her/him to turn to.

Recognize excessive jealousy or possessiveness.
If your partner is protective of you, that's sweet. If
they're bizarrely over-protective, it's scary.
Consider whether he/she constantly nags about how
long it takes you to make a trip to the market or to
the post office. Does she/he interrogate you if you
aren't home exactly on time, or if you go out for
any reason? Do they question you too intensely
about why you were talking to another person? Do
they tell you that you don't care about them or your
children if you spend time with a friend?
Watch for double standards and can't-win situations. Does your partner apply one standard to their
own behavior and a different one to yours? For instance, it's okay for your partner to be two hours late
but you get berated if you're five minutes later than expected? It's okay for them to flirt but probably
infidelity if you flirt? Can't-win situations are when you get chewed out whatever you do — if you save
money then you're being too stingy, if you spend it on going out with your