How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 212

5. Magical Manipulation
5.1. Misdirection and deflection as used by manipulators:
Misdirection is a technique that directs the victim’s' attention toward what the manipulator wants them
to see and believe, and away from the actual facts and truth.
For years businesses have been using fake or misleading customer testimonials to reflect a much more
satisfied experience than is actually the case.
In politics, misdirection is being used all the time to divert attention from the voters away from
unpopular standpoints.
“Today’s political messages are distilled in the laboratories of public relations and consumer branding
to achieve maximum potency. Their power to shape emotions and opinions lies in their uncanny ability
to get under people’s skin without arousing in citizens a powerful immune response.”
Andras Szanto, What Orwell Didn’t Know
There are four common forms of misdirection used by manipulators.
1. Attitude
The first is attitude: by shifting the focus of attention from their own behavior onto the behavior, the
manipulator pushes the victim into defending himself and often succeeds in dropping the real issue.
2. "Doing the Offbeat"
Example: Harry, a 42-year-old cocaine addict, missed his mother's birthday because he was high. He
showed up first thing the next morning to mow his mother's lawn and fix her screen door, telling her "I
wanted to celebrate your birthday just the two of us. If I had come yesterday, everyone would have
snubbed me."
3. Creating an Impression of Honesty
Example: When Harry’s mother approached him about his cocaine addiction, he said, "Wow, Mom,
I've been wanting to talk to you about this, but I was scared. I've just been so damn depressed since my
divorce, it seems cocaine is the only thing that makes me feel good. I'm so sorry for worrying you…
but everything will be all right, I promise."
Harry's mother was convinced she had made a breakthrough with him, but really Harry has just
redirected her focus onto the problems surrounding his divorce.
4. Time
Mary's husband, Paul, was an alcoholic. Mary said, "when he came home drunk the third night this
week, I was furious. But the next day, he took our kids to the zoo like he had been promising, and they
were so happy that I didn't have the heart to bring it up."
By extending the amount of time between his behavior and the discussion with Mary, Paul effectively
gave Mary's anger time to dissipate. Even though Paul's addiction was not a secret to Mary, his use of
misdirection of time convinced her to react in ways that in fact supported his alcohol abuse.

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