How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 194

76. Leveling as a Manipulation Tactic:
Equating One’s Character with Someone Else’s
One of the more subtle but nonetheless highly effective responsibility-avoidance and manipulation
tactics is “leveling.” Leveling refers to the manipulator’s attempt to put himself on equal standing with
others of different character. It generally takes two forms: setting oneself up as a person of equal
stature to a person in authority; and trying to equate one’s own character, personal value, integrity, etc.
with someone else’s, especially one of more mature or superior character.
Leveling is a slick way to try and “level the playing field” or field of interpersonal contest. Once, I
witnessed a woman confronting her husband about his frequent displays of verbal abuse. She stated:
“I’d like you to simply ask me for what you need instead of launching into me, cursing, and berating
me. When I want something from you, I ask for it.” His retort, in a very provocative tone: “Are you
saying you’re better than me?” The implied message he was sending was that the two of them were of
equal character standing — just two human beings of equal worth. He was also implying that the wife
was being demanding or “uppity” by challenging him to do things differently (and insinuating that her
way was better than his way).
Now classical psychology would have us thinking that the woman’s confrontation represented a
“threat” to her husband’s “ego” and that his response was “defensive.” Further, the popular wisdom
would reinforce the notion that both of these individuals are human beings of equal value, although the
behavior patterns of each may not be equally laudable. The woman in the above example may or may
not have been familiar with the tenets of classical psychology or the many commonly accepted beliefs
that flow from it, but she was definitely vulnerable to the tactic. Instead of thinking to herself, “This is
just another way he’s trying to take the wind out of my sails and put me in my place,” she thought,
“Maybe I am putting him down and of course I don’t mean to imply that I’m better he is, so I’ll back
off.” So, in the end, she did just as he wanted and the tactic worked.
The tactic of leveling surfaces as an insidious and subtle challenge to the therapist’s authority
whenever manipulators enter counseling. Dr George Simon tells: Whenever I introduce myself as “Dr.
Simon” (an advanced-degree trained professional) to a manipulator, it’s almost inevitable that he or she
will say something like: “May I call you George?” It may seem like a petty issue to be concerned with,
but such statements almost always represent the first subtle step down the slippery slope of resisting
the guidance and direction that are so essential when providing services to the manipulator. Remember,
what manipulators need in the therapy experience is not at all the same as what therapists most often
provide to average “neurotics.” (See “Neurosis vs. Character Disorder: Contrasting Needs in
Therapy”.) I always politely say that I prefer “Dr. Simon” and then observe carefully their response to
my endorsement of the authority position for indications that they have any modicum of motivation to
accept therapeutic guidance. By the way, many of my long-term “neurotic” patients call me George
(and I’m very okay with that) even though their own high levels of conscientiousness and respect for
authority prompted them to address me as “Doctor” at first.
There’s a lot more I could say about the tactic of leveling. As I mentioned earlier, it’s often done with
such subtlety that it’s hard to detect, but it’s almost always effective. It’s also a behavior that intensely
interferes with the process of developing any respect for authority or for the value of certain principles
or standards. Not everything is equal. Some values, beliefs, principles, and standards of conduct are
superior to others. Respect for that makes civilization possible. Contempt and disregard for that
through the use of “leveling” techniques allows the manipulator to set his own rules and wreak havoc
in the lives of others.

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