How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 155

49. Fear, then relief - Scaring The Hell Out of You
One of the easiest and arguably the most evil manipulative technique to get someone to say "yes"is
what psychologists call the "fear-then-relief technique." The technique preys on a person's emotions.
Here, the manipulator causes someone a great deal of stress or anxiety and then abruptly relieves that
stress. After this sudden mood swing, the person is disarmed, less likely to make mindful or rational
decisions, and more likely to respond
positively to various requests.
Technique: Invoke fear in the other person.
Then, when they seek a solution, provide
one that leads them in the direction you
choose. Fear is invoked by threatening
needs. Relief may be gained by doing what
you request. Relief may also given 'freely' to
create trust and invoke the rules of social
exchange.
Be careful not to be seen as an aggressor, for
example by using external sources to invoke
the fear. Also be careful not to invoke so
much fear that they flee from you or become
aggressive.
Examples: The book The Science of Social Influence details a few experiments that showed this in
action. In one, shoppers in a mall were scared by a stranger touching their shoulder from behind. When
they turned around, the shoppers found that their assailant was a (supposed) blind man who just wanted
to ask the time. After that deflection and relief, someone else—the fake blind man's
confederate—asked the targets if they would buy and sign postcards for a political charitable cause.
Those who had met the blind man and experienced the fear-then-relief rollercoaster were more likely to
do so than the control group which wasn't manipulated.
This fear-then-relief manipulation technique is most popularly portrayed in the classic bad cop/good
cop routine: one person scares the hell out of you, another saves you, and then you're more willing to
talk. You see this in everyday life, too—from the fear tactics of insurance agents to bad managers who
suggest your job is on the line, backtrack, and then ask you to work overtime.
Example
Your performance has been below standard recently and you may be placed on the 'at risk' register. I
won't do this now but I do want you to show me what you are capable of.
The boss came around when you were out and asked where you were. Don't worry, I gave a good
excuse. Could you cover for me? I want to go home early.
Why it works
This is a direct application of the hurt and rescue principle, creating discomfort and then providing the
means of reducing that discomfort. Whilst a relatively crude method, it is still quite common and often
effective when done well.

154