How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 150

45. Highball
Whether he is asking for something from you, or trying to sell something to you, the manipulator’s
first offer is likely to be as high as possible without completely putting you off.
Most likely, the manipulator has don his research about what constitutes a reasonable demand and
about what you are able to give or pay beforehand in order to find your zone of acceptability and had
then started at at, or even above, the top of your range.
If you seem particularly keen to settle, he may even have asked you what you are willing to give or
offer. Most likely however, he will not since your first bid anchors the discussion, quite possibly on
the low side of what he wants to get out of the deal.
Examples
A child who wants a parent to fund a night out starts by asking for about three times as much as they
really want.
When selling goods, a market trader starts with a high price. He then reduces the price without being
bargained with, using excuses about being kind, needing to sell everything today and so on.
An estate agent takes buyers to houses that they cannot afford. This, however, raises their desires and
the house they eventually buy is more expensive than they had anticipated.
Why it works
Where you start sets expectations for the other person. When you start high, you can always go down.
When you start low, you can never go up.
Starting high creates an anchor for the other person, whereby they may well assume that this is in a
reasonable range. If their counter-bid is also high, then you will end up with a high price. Even if they
are above what you expected, do not settle immediately -- at best split the difference and you may be
able to nudge them even higher.
A high start may well take longer to reach resolution, giving you more opportunity to find out more
about the other person and to build effective tension.
If the other person starts low, then it may be socially difficult for you to counter with a high bid,
although this can actually be a good move. Responding to a low bid with a high bid indicates that you
know they are low and may be seeking
If the other person counters with a low bid (or starts to walk away), this may be a signal that they know
what you are doing. Hold your nerve! If you collapse your position, they may well take advantage and
seek to pull you even further down.
Be careful about starting too high, as this may cause a betrayal response whereby they leave without
further ado, ignoring anything you may say. Extreme positions outside of a range that may be
considered fair can also be damaging to relationships (which may be important).
The difference between your start position and your end position is a signal to the other person about
how much you have conceded to them. A significant difference will make them believe they have got a
bargain (a view you can encourage with sighs and supporting words).

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