How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 148

43 The “Door-in-the-face” technique
Here, the manipulator will first make a request of the other person that is excessive and to which they
will most naturally refuse.
He will then look very disappointed, but next make a request that is more reasonable and which the
victim will then be more likely to accept.
Example
Will you donate $100 to our cause? [response is no].
Oh. Well could you donate $10?
Can you help me do all this work?
Well can you help me with this bit?
Can I stay out until 4am?
OK. How about midnight?
Why it works
When the victim refuses the first request, he may feel guilty about having refused another person and
fear rejection as a result. The second request gives them the opportunity to assuage that guilt and
mitigate any threat of social rejection. In effect, the person making the request is making an exchange
of concession for belonging.
The lower request uses the contrast principle, making it seem very small in comparison with the larger
initial request and hence relatively trivial and easy to agree with.
This method works best when the requests being made have a socially valid element, for example
where you are seeking to learn something, teach people or help others. This is so that the other person
does not reject the whole request out of hand (it is just that the initial request is 'too much').
The second request should be made soon after the first request, before the effects of guilt and other
motivators wears off.
The Door-in-the-face technique is a 'sequential request' and is also known as 'rejection-then-retreat'.

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