How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 140
32. Cherry Picking
Distorting facts or Selectively presenting facts and quotes that support one's position
Generally these people will lie to the ends of the earth in order to get what they want. This often
happens in the work environment, simply to get others on their side or gain favor with management
and higher authorities.
When responding to a fact distortion, seek
clarification.
Explain that this is not how you remembered the
facts and that you're curious to get a better
understanding of their view of them.
Remain polite and feel entitled to say that it's to
clarify your confusion.
Ask them simple questions about when you both
agreed to an issue, how they believed the
approach was formed, etc.
When you meet on common ground again, take
this as the new starting point, not their distorted one.
For example:
John (manipulator): "I asked Cassie to have all these finished by today. She's never on time
with these reports."
Boss: "Is this true Cassie?"
Cassie: "It isn't my understanding boss. John, when did you suggest that this is my task alone?
My last understanding was that this was to be a joint effort, with you signing off on my work
before we presented it to the board. When you didn't arrive yesterday and I couldn't reach you,
I felt that I had little choice but to continue and finish what I could but it was clear I didn't have
a handle over the X, Y, Z issues that you're best at defining. And I've handed in my last six
reports all two days before the due date; I take timeliness very seriously."
Another example: A: "You never back me up in those meetings, you're only in it for your own
gains and you're always leaving me to the sharks."
You: "That's not true. I believed that you were ready to talk to the investors about your own
ideas. If I had thought you were erring, I'd have stepped in but I thought you did a brilliant job
by yourself."
139