How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 130

Deception is often the key ingredient in manipulation. Deception can be accomplished by outright
denial, distortion of key aspects of events, and a variety of other methods, especially the more
sophisticated lying techniques. A really accomplished liar can deceive another person by merely
reciting a litany of absolutely true things — while deliberately and cleverly leaving out one or two
crucial elements that would change the entire character of what they’re trying to make you believe. But
a common element among all the tactics manipulators use is that they cause the person being targeted
to doubt their gut instincts about what’s going on. Their gut tells them they’re under attack or that
someone is trying to get the better of them, and they intuitively go on the defensive. But because they
often can’t find any clear, direct, objective evidence that the other person is merely trying to
disadvantage them, they start doubting and questioning themselves. This is the real secret of effective
manipulation. If the “target” were solidly convinced they were in the process of being done in, they’d
more likely put up more resistance instead of capitulating. Manipulators know this. They win by
getting the other person to back down or give in.

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