How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 129
26. Gaslighting:
Gaslighting is a sophisticated manipulation tactic which certain types of personalities use to create
doubt in the minds of others. Here’s how it works and what to watch out for.
In a stage play and suspense thriller from the 1930s entitled “Gas Light,” a conniving husband tries to
make the wife he wishes to get rid of think she is losing her mind by making subtle changes in her
environment, including slowly and steadily dimming the flame on a gas lamp. In recent years, the term
“gaslighting” has come to be applied to attempts by certain kinds of personalities, especially
psychopaths — who are among the personalities most adept at sophisticated tactics of manipulation —
to create so much doubt in the minds of their targets of exploitation that the victim no longer trusts
their own judgment about things and buys into the assertions of the manipulator, thus coming under
their power and control.
Effective gaslighting can be accomplished in
several different ways. Sometimes, a person
can assert something with such an apparent
intensity of conviction that the other person
begins to doubt their own perspective. Other
times, vigorous and unwavering denial
coupled with a display of righteous
indignation can accomplish the same task.
Bringing up historical facts that seem largely
accurate but contain minute, hard-to-prove
distortions and using them to “prove” the
correctness of one’s position is another
method. Gaslighting is particularly effective
when coupled with other tactics such as
shaming and guilting. Anything that aids in
getting another person to doubt their
judgment and back down will work.
Gaslighting has come to some prominence
lately because several authors have
highlighted it as one of the more crafty
tactics psychopaths use to disadvantage their victims. But many character-disturbed individuals, most
especially the aggressive personalities, are prone to using numerous tactics, including covert
techniques, to get the better of their targets. Their goal is always to win or secure whatever it is they
want. And they’ll do whatever they have to do to get it. Sometimes the most effective way to do that is
to avoid red-flagging their intentions but rather get the other person to unwittingly but voluntarily
surrender. Instill shame, instill guilt, instill fear, or instill great doubt, and the other person will likely
back off the stance they really wanted to take.
Gaslighting is just one of the many weapons in the arsenal of personalities hell-bent on having their
way, even if it means doing so by subtle and covert means of conning others. One of the most
important points Dr George Simon makes in all his articles, books, and other writings about the
narcissistic and most especially, the aggressive personalities, is that they will do whatever it takes to
secure and maintain a position of advantage over others. And some of the most effective means at their
disposal are tactics that conceal their malevolent intent while simultaneously prompting their “target”
to accede to their desires. Dr George Simon outlines the most common techniques covertly aggressive
folks use to manipulate others in his book "In Sheep’s Clothing".
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