How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 107

12. Minimization or trivializing behaviour:
This is a type of denial coupled with rationalization. The manipulator asserts that his behavior is not as
bad, harmful or irresponsible as he knows it was or as someone else was suggesting, for example
saying that a taunt or insult was only a joke or admitting only part of what he did was wrong, and
usually not the most serious part.
When neurotics do something they think might negatively impact another, they tend to “catastrophize”
the situation or become overly concerned with the damage they might have done. Conversely,
manipulators are overly prone to minimizing the seriousness of their misconduct and trivializing the
damage they cause in their relationships and to the general social order. By using the tactic, he tries to
manipulate others into thinking he’s not such bad a person (impression management) and continues his
active war against submission to a principle of social behavior.
As is true when other tactics are used, when the manipulator minimizes the nature and seriousness of
his conduct, you know for sure that he is likely to engage in the same or similar behaviors again. As
long as he continues to minimize, he won’t take seriously the problems he needs to correct. It isn’t that
he doesn’t recognize the seriousness of the issues. If he didn’t think others regarded the issue as
serious, he wouldn’t feel the need to trivialize it. But refusing to accept the principle at hand and to
accept the need to change his stance indicate he’s sure to repeat his misconduct.
Manipulators use this tactic for a lot of reasons, but the biggest reason of all is that it generally works!
Dr Georg Simon continues: I remember one of the first times I witnessed the effectiveness of the
minimization tactic. A couple had come to my office for counseling, and the woman’s main complaint
was that she was becoming increasingly fearful of what appeared to be her husband’s escalating level
of aggressiveness. She complained that during an argument, he shoved her, and because he’d never
done that before it concerned her. His comment: “Yeah, I might have touched her and pushed her a
little bit, but you could hardly call it a ‘shove’ and there’s no way she can claim I hurt her or meant to
hurt her. She’s making me out to be a monster, and I’m not. Besides, she pushed me to the brink!” This
man’s statement combined several effective tactics from minimizing and trivializing the event
(“touched her and pushed her a little bit”) to denial of malevolent intent (“no way she can claim I
meant to hurt her”), vilifying the victim (“She’s making me