Though he never complained, Phil was exhausted from taking
care of all of the household chores and caregiving duties.
For years, it had been the other way around. “I have been
fighting COPD for 16 years now. Judy took care of me. She
did everything for me,” he said. “Judy never smoked a day in
her life; I did. I carry a lot of guilt.” Hospice caregivers and
family members helped Phil cope, which meant recognizing the
unconditional love he and Judy had for one another.
away a lot of the burden of ‘how do we care for her?’ They take
all those questions away, and they prepare you for what’s going to
happen,” granddaughter Sara Pruitt said.
The couple’s son, Gary Carter, is amazed by how precisely Judy’s
caregivers predicted and explained what the family could expect.
“They were spot-on every time. They weren’t wrong once. She just
lived a little longer than they expected because she was a fighter,”
he said.
Though family members admit to not being ready to start
hospice care when it was recommended, they credit the
Lincolnland Hospice team for helping them through the
process. They learned to live life to the fullest and to continue
making lasting memories with Judy. “That was a time of glory
and a time of sadness and a time I will never forget,” Phil
said. “The folks at hospice did a magnificent job. They did
everything we expected and more.”
Thankfully, Judy’s spirited personality shone with moments
of humor and clarity for a couple weeks before her condition
worsened. “She held babies and played with puppies and talked
to her great-grandchildren,” granddaughter-in-law, Sara Carter,
said. “We were able to pull so many good moments from the
bad. Having hospice allowed us to have dinners together and be a
family. It was just like tightening the laces on a shoe. It pulled us all
together.”
Phil has extraordinary gratitude for the family members
who helped him, as well. The couple’s three children, five
grandchildren, along with their spouses and families, took over
all caregiving duties and household chores as soon as Judy
arrived home. “They ran me out,” Phil jokes. “I tell you the
great-grandchildren were a gift from God,” Phil said, filling the
house with joy and laughter as the families gathered each night
at the house for dinner. At least six family members stayed over
every night to help out in any way they could, and daughter
Julie Lauer, who flew in from Texas, daughter-in-law Sheila
Carter and granddaughter Kiley Butler rarely left his side. The
house was always full, with Phil’s two brothers and their wives
offering constant support and assistance as well.
The family’s journey was also eased by their strong faith. The
family held an around-the-clock bedside vigil during Judy’s final
six days, throughout which three ministers visited the house. When
Judy became unresponsive, “We were told that she could still hear
us, and I told her things I hadn’t said in years, but I meant every
word,” Phil said. “I sang her songs. I did everything.”
“We were unbelievably sad and overwhelmed, but hospice takes
“What a cool thing for your grandchildren to see,” Sara Pruitt told
her grandpa. “We’re all going to experience death and it’s very
sad, but it’s also been an overwhelmingly hopeful and faith-filled
experience.” Judy passed away on February 5, 2016 surrounded by
her family.
Still heartbroken by the loss, Phil is grateful for the experience.
“It was a blessing,” he said. “Being surrounded by such caring,
compassionate people enabled our family to live each day to the
fullest as a gift from God.”
“We were unbelievably sad and overwhelmed,
but hospice takes away a lot of the burden of
‘how do we care for her?’ They take all those
questions away, and they prepare you for
what’s going to happen.”
Granddaughter, Sara Pruitt
Lincolnland Hospice cares for people in 20 counties in East Central and Southern Illinois,
regardless of their ability to pay. They also provide comprehensive bereavement services.
For more information about Lincolnland Hospice, call 1-800-454-4055.
november 2016
healthstyles 7