THe iMporTanCe oF selF-Care For FaMilY praCTiTioners
Collaborative law Section
Chairs: Katherine C. Scott - Harris, Hunt & Derr, P.A. and Alice M. Boullosa - Alice Boullosa LMFT, LLC
How can we care
for others if we
are not first taking
P
racticing in an area of
law where you help clients
work through family
disputes such as divorce,
dependency, probate, and family
business disputes can be extremely
rewarding. It is a privilege helping
clients move on from difficult and
painful situations to a better and
happier place in their lives. Clients
are typically deeply grateful for
this support.
But handling these cases can
also be personally challenging
because they involve highly charged
emotions and difficult issues such as
personality disorders, physical and
emotional abuse, substance abuse,
and toxic family dynamics. Not to
mention, our clients tend to feel
that every issue in their case is
an emergency and expect us to
resolve those issues immediately.
As family law practitioners, we
often absorb our clients’ emotions
and stress and the stress of their
situations. And we do so without
even realizing it has occurred until
it begins interfering with our daily
lives in a way that we cannot ignore
— distraction, anxiety, loss of
sleep, or worse. While collaborative
practice offers a more constructive
care of ourselves?
path for resolving family disputes,
collaborative practitioners still deal
with all these same challenges.
Because we strive to do the
best job possible for our clients,
family practitioners struggle with
prioritizing cases above our own
needs. But putting a client’s needs
above your own self-care does your
clients a disservice. How can we
care for others if we aren’t first
taking care of ourselves? Everyone
is familiar with the words of flight
attendants giving instructions in
case of emergency: “Please secure
your own oxygen mask before
assisting others around you.”
These words should resonate with
family practitioners.
We must attend to our own
well-being first in order to effectively
care for clients. How can we put
ourselves first — i.e., take better
care of ourselves while still doing
our best work?
Here are some thoughts: With
respect to client interaction,
remember to empathetically listen
to their problems without making
them our own. Think of what
you would say to a friend, and
tell yourself the same thing about
taking on the problems. Know that
it’s not our job to fix everything.
And keep in mind that it’s
important to set boundaries
regarding personal time.
With respect to our general
well-being, set enough time on
your calendar to do your best
work versus “reacting” to issues.
Discuss cases and challenges with
another collaborative professional.
This offers both support and
new perspectives. If you’re feeling
“off,” preoccupied, or overwhelmed,
consider an appointment with a
licensed therapist. A “tune up
session” can help keep you balanced,
generate new coping tips, and avoid
burn-out. Incorporate mindfulness
activities like mediation, prayer,
journaling and yoga in your daily
life. Remember and reclaim the
things that bring you joy.
So grab the oxygen mask and
take a few breaths first. You will
find yourself in a better position to
help with your clients’ emergencies.
Authors: Katherine C. Scott -
Harris, Hunt & Derr, P.A. and
Alice M. Boullosa, MSW, LMFT -
Alice Boullosa LMFT, LLC
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22
MAR - APR 2019
|
HCBA LAWYER