Grace Beyond GraceBeyondBrochure-Celebrate-Dec2017-web | Page 8

A MAKE OR BREAK MOMENT
Chris DeHaan

A MAKE OR BREAK MOMENT

Chris DeHaan

On Sunday , January 10 , 2016 at approximately 4:45pm , Kirk — my husband of 31 years and father of our five children , was on his way to meet his buddies for coffee when he suddenly had a heart attack that took his life .
In the moments that followed , I was faced with a question – the same question I had faced at other times in my life – would I still believe in God ’ s goodness , sovereignty and grace ? Or , is this too big , too much , and too cruel to believe that He loves me ?
The first time I wrestled with this question was when Kirk and I were in the midst of what ended up being five years of infertility . As all of our friends and family were having their first , second and even third babies , each month I was crying out to God , questioning His love , goodness , and plan for my life . During this time I worked under a godly female supervisor who became a role model . As my faith grew , I came to understand and believe that God does love me and has a plan for me .
I found myself once again questioning God ’ s love and grace in 2008 when the economy took a severe downturn and we suddenly found ourselves with only my part-time income . Just months before , we had vowed to get out of debt ; how could we possibly keep that promise ? But God provided above and beyond , and we met that goal in just three years even though work for Kirk during that time was only temporary and part-time . And because of God ’ s lavish provision , it wasn ’ t just our faith that grew , we also saw our children ’ s faith and contentedness grow deep .
When the Grace Beyond project was introduced to the congregation a few years ago , and we were asked to pray about our response , I knew instantly we would be pledging , and I also knew what the amount was going to be . When Kirk and I came together to reveal to each other what the Lord had told us , it was the same . Several months earlier we had been gifted a certain specific amount , and that was the amount we felt the Lord asking us to give back . When the giving for Grace Beyond began , we were happy to be able to write that monthly check .
Then at the beginning of 2016 , I was suddenly faced with one of life ’ s most devastating circumstances , that could be a “ make it or break it ” spiritual point in my life . Would I trust God even in this to be sufficient ? Would I be able to find His grace anywhere in this ? On that first night , I was gripped with fear – and a lot of questions . How would this affect our kids ? How would I care for them when I didn ’ t know how to care for myself ? How would we possibly make it financially ? How do I begin to process this ? Where do I begin ? How do I go about finding the help I know I will need ?
As those first days turned into weeks and then months , God gave me overwhelming assurance of His goodness and grace . He reminded me of all those situations in the past when He had ‘ shown up ’ to redeem them for His honor and glory , and opened my eyes to see His grace in this too . Recently , I was thinking back over these last 
 22 months , and with pen in hand , filled multiple pages of the ways our family has seen God ’ s grace . Let me share just a sampling :
• Financial provision and surprises
• Legal advice and help 

• A healing and life-giving trip to Israel with my daughter 

• Encouragement and blessing from my Women ’ s Leadership Development group 

• Being on staff in the Missions Office here at Calvary 

• Countless sermons that have spoken to my heart and provided encouragement 

• Ongoing prayers for our family that have helped bring healing to our souls
• Sweet sleep every night 

• Five kids – and a new daughter-in-law - who are leaning on the Lord and seeking His will for their futures
• Dozens of verses that have been sent to me for encouragement and hope
8