It's NOT too Late
How to Un-spoil Johnny
Replace
gifts with
encouragement
Sources:
Schipani, Denise, “Un-spoil Your Kid”, Parents.
com, https://www.parents.com/parenting/
better-parenting/style/un-spoil-your-kid/
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gmhtoday.com
Article Brought
To You By:
june/july 2019
Nelson, Angela, “Can You Unspoil a Child?”,
Mother Nature Network, https://www.mnn.
com/family/family-activities/stories/can-you-
unspoil-your-kids
When a child receives gifts for every
little accomplishment, he starts to lose
his natural drive to excel at things.
Specific praise, such as, “You worked
really hard at soccer practice and it
paid off in today’s match,” will stick
with him much longer than a gift and it
will boost his motivation. This doesn’t
mean you should never acknowledge
your child’s achievement with a gift or
a special outing. Letting him pick his
favorite restaurant for dinner or enjoy an
ice cream sundae every once in a while
won’t hurt as long as you label it as a
celebration instead of a reward.
GILROY • MORGAN HILL • SAN MARTIN
Never give in to your child’s
demands during a tantrum. As
tempting as it is to give her what she
wants in order to avoid a very public
meltdown—complete with stares from
strangers and not-so-silent judgment—
doing so enforces the idea that she can
get whatever she wants if she screams
loud enough. If your child acts out,
explain to her that you understand her
frustration but that this is unacceptable
behavior. If she continues, warn her
that you’ll take her home if she doesn’t
calm down, and then follow through if
your warning goes unheeded. Be sure
to ignore any bad behavior and avoid
losing your temper on the way home.
After all, you can’t fight a tantrum with
a tantrum.
Unfortunately, the older a child
is, the harder the unspoiling process
will be. If your children are older, just
recognize that it won’t be an easy or
pretty process, but that it’s a necessary
one. During those tough times, it helps
to remember that parents who set clear
behavior expectations turn out less
selfish kids in the end.
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set up an amount that you are willing
to pay and have him save up for the
rest. That way he has some control over
the decision and he learns that special
things are earned, not given.
It’s also time to teach your child the
lost art of patience. We live in a touch
-screen world where everything is a
push or a click away. Kids are so used
to this kind of instant gratification that
they don’t know how to wait for any-
thing. When you refuse or hold off on
indulgences, you’re helping your child
develop self-discipline that will allow
her to place higher value on the things
she receives. If your kids earn an allow-
ance, you can employ the “If you really
want it, you buy it” method, which
makes them assess how important that
thing is to them. This is also a great time
to lead by example. If you see something
you want that you decide not to buy,
make sure you explain to your kids why;
such as, “I’ll wait until it goes on sale” or
“the phone I have now still works.”
W
e all want our children to be
happy and feel loved, but
we might be going about it
the wrong way. Many parents admit
that their children are spoiled and they
aren’t sure how to fi x it. Fortunately,
there is a way to unspoil children. It
isn’t an easy process, but it’s defi nitely
worth it.
If you aren’t sure if your child is
spoiled there are four telltale signs to
look for. The first is how well your
child responds to the word “no.”
Spoiled kids are so used to getting
what they want that when they hear
the word “no” they lose their minds.
The second sign is that it’s all about
“me.” Spoiled kids think more about
themselves than others. Everything
has to be about them all the time.
Third, spoiled children tend to have a
bad case of the “gimmies.” They care
more about getting than giving, and
because they get so much they tend to
be unappreciative of the things they
do have. Lastly, everything has to be
“now” for a spoiled child. They want
everything exactly when they want it.
The concept of waiting might as well
be a mythical unicorn to them. These
attitudes and behaviors can be changed
and reshaped over time. As parents,
we are the biggest influence on our
children’s character, so positive change
begins with the example we set.
The first thing you must do is avoid
apologizing for disappointments. “I’m
sorry” has a great role for times when
you lose your temper or accidentally
throw away a favorite toy, but it has
no place for when you can’t buy that
pricey game or have to cancel a trip to
the park because of rain. These things
are out of your control, and children
need to learn that disappointments like
these are a part of life. You can empa-
thize with their disappointment, which
will show them that you respect their
feelings, but that’s all. If your child is
especially adamant about that game,
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