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AGING
with an
Attitude
T
hroughout our lives we deal
with disappointments and
challenges that test our ability to
accept the reality of a given situation.
Never is this more prevalent than in the
aging process. As we age, our growing
limitations often cloud our perspectives,
making acceptance of any new reality
not just diffi cult but one that we feel
we should protest—and in some cases,
just deny entirely.
Are you one of those people who
still have a pair of bell bottom pants
hanging in your closet, waiting for
them to come back in style or fit again?
Are you in an ongoing battle with your
grown children because they think it is
time for you to stop driving? You know
they are right, but you just can’t give
up your independence. Do you live in
a two-story home when your arthritis is
giving you clear signals that those stairs
need to be a thing of the past? These
are just a few of the realities that aging
presents; where acceptance is the key
to your future.
Carl Jung, the founder of analytical
psychology, once said, “We cannot
change anything until we accept it.
Condemnation does not liberate, it
oppresses.” Denial of what is, can be
exhausting! It can zap your energy.
When something IS, and you try to
deny its existence—suppress, or forget
it—it will persist, whether you accept
it or NOT.
So, why can’t an older adult accept it
when it is obvious that they should no
longer drive? Why would they continue
to hang on to their independence when
it means risking the lives of others?
Why can’t that older adult who broke
his hip and can barely walk from the
living room to the kitchen accept that
his children are merely trying to keep
him safe when they offer to bring in a
54
The Art of Acceptance…
Key to Aging with an Attitude
caregiver? Everyone who denies that an
adjustment to their life is in order has
a reason for doing so. The interesting
thing is that those who deny that they
can no longer do many things they
did ten years ago, tend to be very
intelligent. Earth to older adults—
you can live in constant battle and
paddle upstream until you get too tired
to paddle and you are forced by life to
succumb, or you can choose to let y
our canoe go with the flow and enjoy
the ride.
It is difficult to accept that aging
can post limitations on us, but it is
much more difficult not to, which
causesc your children sadness, worry
and stress. You don’t have to like it, but
you do, as a mature human being, need
to acknowledge and accept what is.
Acceptance opens the door to healing,
to forgiving, to opportunities! Fighting
what is, blocks the flow of life and
creativity. No one is going to judge you
because a caregiver drives you to play
pool with your friends. No one will
look down on you if you wear a watch
that signals an alert should you fall. If
they do, you might want to consider
“opting out” of their lives.
Visiting Angels used to have a
client named Virginia in Morgan Hill.
Initially, she hated using a walker so
she would walk at a “high speed.”
You could almost see smoke on the
cement. She walked that fast. She
accepted what was with an “I’ll show
you attitude,” grinning as her caregiver
rushed to keep up with her. She was
living proof that acceptance does not
equal defeat or weakness. It just meant
living your reality.
As Tony Robbins, a famous life
coach says, “reframe how you look at
life. Reframing is the difference between
being constantly disappointed and
GILROY • MORGAN HILL • SAN MARTIN
february/march 2019
being consistently satisfied.” When you
take a different route to go home, for
example, you are exposed to different
things. What you encounter when you
change routes, you don’t necessarily
encounter when you take the same
route you take to go home. When you
reframe how you look at life, how you
look at your situation, you are merely
taking a different perspective. You are
opening yourself to new possibilities,
to a new way of experiencing life. And
by the way, when you free yourself
from the struggle of denial, you make a
choice (i.e. you are in control) to work
with what is, rather than waste energy
fighting what is.
It’s no secret that I am a big
advocate of “aging with an attitude”…
the right attitude. I urge all my clients
and even my friends and relatives to
do so. Accept what is, work with what
is, make the necessary adjustments and
you will find that you have no time to
worry about the changes because you
will be “aging with a positive attitude.”
Sources:
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy of
Borderline Personality Disorder by
M. Linehan
“Meaning of Everything” by T. Robbins
“The Freedom of Being: At Ease with
What is” by J.Frazier.
Written by Dorie Sugay,
the Executive Director of
Visiting Angels.
gmhtoday.com